December 13, 2006

Night writing is different than day writing, isn’t it.

At night all the pretty conventional thoughts run away and tuck themselves in with their blankies. At night the creepy crawly bastion of the unacceptable wander to the surface, dragging cold dank thoughts behind like whimpering little hostages.

I want to write about them. I want to share the smell of a coal furnace at 3AM and the sounds of cold laughter no one else can hear. I want you to taste the salt of tears cried behind the wheel of a car because life is unfair and dreams for me mean only more disappointment. I want to throw out old pain like shrapnel. We could sit here and bleed together.

My stories are deep. Some buried so far I can’t find words for them. Some so fantastic you wouldn’t believe. Some so fantastic I don’t want to believe. I have thoughts so dark… You wouldn’t believe a nice girl like me could hide such things behind big brown eyes and an ever present smile.

I am not false.

I compartmentalize.

Boxes within rooms within vaults tidily labeled “Closed” until I almost forget they even exist.


  • Birdie

    Yep. Preach it.

  • Pablo

    And we’ll be here when you decide to share the contents of those boxes.

  • Erik


  • Erik

    HA! it is letting me post now…

    I was gonna say we all have dark thoughts, thoughts we should likely never reveal, and certainly not online but I am gonna break that… I am having dark thoughts towards google/blogger right now…. I tried numerous numerous times to post on here and it kept asking my to log in.

    Anyways, We love ya Heidi. know that you arent alone.

  • heidi

    Erik, you know you were sent here to test us.

    *ba da bump*

  • Desert Cat

    Oh, I frequently have dark thoughts toward all things computer. I just mentally thrash the livin’ snot out of my image of the pencil-necked geek responsible, and then I feel better.

    Glad to see blogger comments are working again. Way frustrating that was…