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December 18, 2006

I have had 4 wedding rings in my life time. All from the same man.

The first was a small solitaire diamond on a hammered gold band. I wore it until my 1st son was born. The prongs were sharp and I quit wearing it because it scratched the baby.

We sold it. Being young, broke and in transition we needed the $ more than I wanted the jewelry.

I had an antique white gold set with lovely scroll work and brilliant diamonds. Not huge, not pretentious. White gold. I had it sized down and it never did look right. We traded an African grey parrot and a white powder coat cage for a 27″ tv, my rings and $250 cash.

My husband had loved that bird, her name was Chloe. But she hated the baby. And that’s just not a choice, is it?

I loved those rings. The setting wasn’t very secure so I asked my husband if we could just get some matching bands that I could wear for every day and I’d “save the nice set for church and special occasions”. He thought it was a great idea and away we went.

Ebay, 2 bands for $160. White gold, comfort fit. They were simple, plain and prone to scratching. But I simply refuse to not wear a ring on my left hand. Not that anyone is chasing me down the sidewalk at the local park but I’m extremely proud of the fact that I am married.

I lost the antique set almost 3 years ago. *POOF* it vanished! At my mom’s house. I think. That’s the last place I remember having it. I have ripped her house, my house and at least 3 cars apart looking for it.

We got rid of the white gold bands a while ago, I just didn’t love it like I thought I would. I’ve been wearing simple silver bands of dubious value and a really cute boutique-y looking ring with hearts.

But today, this afternoon, my husband handed me a ring with the words “I am my beloved’s and he is mine” engraved on it in Hebrew. “Ani l’dodi v’dodi l’i”

I cried.

There are reasons for it that I can’t/won’t go into but what I will tell you is this.

This is the only wedding ring I’ve ever been given that I received without any criticism or cynicism about the motive.

He loves me.

And after almost 13 years, 2 children and more bullshit than any sane man should have to put up with, I am learning to trust that simple fact.

I love him. Beyond what I ever thought possible. I don’t deserve him and I am constantly amazed at his depth, wisdom and intelligence. He is a man of extraordinary character and integrity. Betrayal and abandonment are simply not a part of him. He made a commitment, he will keep it.

I have never doubted his fidelity. I just couldn’t seem to believe that it went deeper than a consistent act of his will. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that love is a conscious act that requires constant revisitation and a choice to prefer the other person. Love is work.

I think what this latest ring means to me is that given the choice? He’d still pick me. Even now. Even after. He loves me. Still.

  • Erik

    He loves me.

    And after almost 13 years, 2 children and more bullshit than any sane man should have to put up with, I am learning to trust that simple fact.

    Ya have a good man Heidi. (o=

  • heidi

    I am blessed.

  • MikeT

    I’ll have to file this post away in my mental file cabinet for when Rachel and I get to this point. God willing, we’re going to be getting engaged within the next week or two. Hopefully we’ll both be at this point in our lives in the future 🙂

  • Billiam

    Billiam experiences extreme envy at what he is denied. Yet, also great happiness at the joy he has read. Thank you, and may He bless you even more…

  • Birdie

    Great story, Heidi. You are blessed.

    Eaglewood and I have clocked 16+ years with the same fairly plain matching gold bands and are still happy (both with the bands and each other). I should probably confess, however, that our rings used to be textured, and aren’t anymore. Time and love have a way of wearing away the rough edges in both rings and people. 😉

  • Anna

    It was lovely reading your post. Do peep into my wedding blog for some thought sharing and lemme know how u like it!!

  • Pablo

    Hmmm, you’re giving me ideas…

  • CrazyJo

    That brought tears to my eyes. I’m happy for both of you! 🙂

  • Serena

    You truly are blessed!

    Rick and I both have plain silver bands – well, they do have a funny dip in them, but they still are plain. What we want are a braided ring of 3 metals representing our relationship; 3-fold – G-d, Rick and me. We have not found it yet.

    We did get some of those “Ani Li Dodi” rings when we were in Israel, but the ones we got didn’t hold up and Rick’s broke. We went back to our simple bands.

    May you have many, many more years together and maybe even more rings. May G-d richly bless y’all with His shalom and joy!

    Love and shalom,
    Serena

  • Serena

    You truly are blessed!

    Rick and I both have plain silver bands – well, they do have a funny dip in them, but they still are plain. What we want are a braided ring of 3 metals representing our relationship; 3-fold – G-d, Rick and me. We have not found it yet.

    We did get some of those “Ani Li Dodi” rings when we were in Israel, but the ones we got didn’t hold up and Rick’s broke. We went back to our simple bands.

    May you have many, many more years together and maybe even more rings. May G-d richly bless y’all with His shalom and joy!

    Love and shalom,
    Serena

  • AspergantuS

    Yes Heidi…you are blessed…and so is your husband!

  • AspergantuS

    Yes Heidi…you are blessed…and so is your husband!

  • Res Ipsa

    A man who’s wife feels the way you do after so much time is a lucky man.