I have had 4 wedding rings in my life time. All from the same man.
The first was a small solitaire diamond on a hammered gold band. I wore it until my 1st son was born. The prongs were sharp and I quit wearing it because it scratched the baby.
We sold it. Being young, broke and in transition we needed the $ more than I wanted the jewelry.
I had an antique white gold set with lovely scroll work and brilliant diamonds. Not huge, not pretentious. White gold. I had it sized down and it never did look right. We traded an African grey parrot and a white powder coat cage for a 27″ tv, my rings and $250 cash.
My husband had loved that bird, her name was Chloe. But she hated the baby. And that’s just not a choice, is it?
I loved those rings. The setting wasn’t very secure so I asked my husband if we could just get some matching bands that I could wear for every day and I’d “save the nice set for church and special occasions”. He thought it was a great idea and away we went.
Ebay, 2 bands for $160. White gold, comfort fit. They were simple, plain and prone to scratching. But I simply refuse to not wear a ring on my left hand. Not that anyone is chasing me down the sidewalk at the local park but I’m extremely proud of the fact that I am married.
I lost the antique set almost 3 years ago. *POOF* it vanished! At my mom’s house. I think. That’s the last place I remember having it. I have ripped her house, my house and at least 3 cars apart looking for it.
We got rid of the white gold bands a while ago, I just didn’t love it like I thought I would. I’ve been wearing simple silver bands of dubious value and a really cute boutique-y looking ring with hearts.
But today, this afternoon, my husband handed me a ring with the words “I am my beloved’s and he is mine” engraved on it in Hebrew. “Ani l’dodi v’dodi l’i”
There are reasons for it that I can’t/won’t go into but what I will tell you is this.
This is the only wedding ring I’ve ever been given that I received without any criticism or cynicism about the motive.
He loves me.
And after almost 13 years, 2 children and more bullshit than any sane man should have to put up with, I am learning to trust that simple fact.
I love him. Beyond what I ever thought possible. I don’t deserve him and I am constantly amazed at his depth, wisdom and intelligence. He is a man of extraordinary character and integrity. Betrayal and abandonment are simply not a part of him. He made a commitment, he will keep it.
I have never doubted his fidelity. I just couldn’t seem to believe that it went deeper than a consistent act of his will. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that love is a conscious act that requires constant revisitation and a choice to prefer the other person. Love is work.
I think what this latest ring means to me is that given the choice? He’d still pick me. Even now. Even after. He loves me. Still.