December 25, 2006

I don’t explain myself often. My dad used to say “your friends don’t need it and your enemies wouldn’t believe you anyway”.

I think there is a somewhat significant grain of truth in his cliche. The down side is people who do care are often caught unaware of changes I have implemented in my life regardless of or most often completely oblivious to their perspective or reaction.

Does this confuse anyone else?

Welcome to my world.

I deleted my previous blog after a rash and hasty post about a personal situation. I was both spiteful and nasty. I don’t regret deleting a year and a half of writing. Some of it was damn good, if I say so myself. Some was mindless blather. I stand by my decision. Regret is for sissies. 😉

But now I am in a bit of a quandry.

It’s been an interesting process as I struggle to find a voice true to my own expression while still tempered by wisdom and grace.

How do I write my own way and still speak with discretion? I’m not naturally very good at discretion. If I’m thinking it more than likely I’ve already said it. Andthen I’m standing here blushing. Or not. The blessing of the oblivious, I think.

Part of what makes for powerful prose, in my opinion, is brutal honesty. I don’t write to feel good. I “feel” good when I write. If I am learning a life lesson, I process externally and implement internally.

Words are for me a gift. A bridge between two consciousnesses. Through the use of your intellect and imagination I can paint a concept in terms that bypass your defenses and we can speak of truth. At least that is my hope.

So, how do I write it? How do I speak of the things that bump around in my head?

I cannot write passionately about things for which I care little. I won’t write about the inconsistencies on Capitol Hill. I will write about the nature of a nation built on principles which have now become anathema to the very people who pay for the privilege to be here. I won’t write about a welfare state. I will write about people who beg, murder and steal to live here and whose very existence have become a plague on the society upon which they parasite themselves. I won’t write about the war in Iraq. I will write about a religious system that exploits the faith of thousands in the maniacal hope of the destruction of millions.

Who, or what is Pebble Chaser? What country am I seeking to discover? Will I recognize it when I find it? Is the quest for expression the equivalent of the completion of said quest? Is the truth found in the journey regardless of the destination?

  • Pablo

    The name “Pebble Chaser” evokes the image of a person who stands still and considers things around them (or at least it does for me). Seriously, how fast do pebbles move? Pebbles are hard; so is good, clear thinking. I always thought your blog was honest, fun, intelligent and very well written. You don’t have to explain yourself to those of us who visit you here but I for one appreciate your views on things.

    In any case, I’m sure whichever direction you choose for this blog will be fine. And it’s true: your friends won’t need an explanation.

  • Giraffe

    In my case you would have to explain it six times. (you have a gifted vocabulary.)

    Try writing a post and saving it as a draft for a day or so. Then when you re-read it your discretion gets another crack at it.

  • MikeT

    Doing a blog reset is definitely the way to go when you look back and realize things like that about your blog. In the past 3 years that my blog has existed, I have written about 2,000 posts! Yet… now in the last year that I have been blogging since my “reset,” I have about 570, some of which isn’t even published or doesn’t even count as a real blog post.

    You do seem to be getting better now that you’ve had that conscious realization that you need to focus more on the writing. That’s a great place to be, makes you stronger. Isn’t it great to not be burdened by the crap from your first experiments with writing 😀

  • Birdie

    “Who, or what is Pebble Chaser? What country am I seeking to discover? Will I recognize it when I find it? Is the quest for expression the equivalent of the completion of said quest? Is the truth found in the journey regardless of the destination?”

    Good questions. I hope that any answers you might find are ones that you can live with.

  • Difster

    Flaws or no, you write what you write. Be judicious, check your motives, and write with a pure heart. You will certainly reveal a few of your own warts and possibly a some warts of others but you can probably do it with a clear conscience.

    The only thing I’ve ever deleted from my blog were all the comments on the thread that my ex-wife decided to chime in on. The comments had run their course and I decided after a while that I’d rather not have them available on Google forever.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is write what you will with regard to proper motives.

  • heidi

    Thanks for all your nice words.

    It isn’t me that worries about “appropriate content”. There’s only one human being that I will submit to “censorship” from when applied to personal expression.

    He worries about me and what I share.

    Hence the struggle.