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January 25, 2007

Well, I must say that I’m enjoying this last round of discussions. It’s quite a privilege to be surrounded by folks who can present their arguments coherently and biblically and avoid the normal pitfalls of the sublimely ridiculous! This has prompted me to begin a completely new study of the book of Romans. Specifically Chapter 7 at the moment. I’m reveling in my books and my new desk/computer/office.

I told the Mr. I was “so inspired I think I may write a book!” He informed me his masculinity would not be at all threatened if I wrote a bestseller and earned us a million dollars or so.

Well, that’s one objective.

The other one is to actually wade through the pile of papers mysteriously collecting next to the computer. We pay 95% of our bills electronically yet we still get a small forests worth of trees every month. Hm… Should do something about that.

I have re-discovered Outlook. The calendar, the journal, the task list. I am in a state of euphoric list writing and organization. I think Post-It’s were created to be my love language.

A year and a half ago I embarked on a journey. One of personal success. I triumphed! I was a success! I was unstoppable. Then 2006 happened and I failed spectacularly. I suppose if one is going to fail doing so with style is preferable to wilting into the background. At any rate. Since January 1st I have embarked on a much more sober approach to the way I live my life. Not so much a resolution as a response. Somewhat out of desperation, somewhat out of conviction. All of it because I’m completely fed up with the excuses and self-justification for immature and destructive behavior.

So now that I’ve stopped turning tricks on the street corner in exchange for dime bags….

JUST KIDDING!!!! I’m not being cryptic without good reason. In my life of emotional/intellectual voyeurism there is very little I keep back. This little tid-bit is mine. And the process is mine too.

I just wanted to share a little bit about what has transpired in the last few weeks.

I made an OUT LOUD and HONEST commitment to change. Before G-d and before my best friend, the Mr., I asked for spiritual and physical accountability. I asked for brutal honesty. The kind that brings an immediate vicious response where none is warranted.

So… In the last few weeks as I’ve white-knuckled through my emotional selfishness and arrogant, independent nature something has been quietly transpiring.

I got my sparkle back.

Apparently living in a way that is opposed to the life you KNOW G-d is requiring of you will, in short, dampen your joie de vivire (forgive me Pablo for the massacre of the spelling).

Obedience brings joy, purpose, hope and order from chaos.

Some call it “Shalom”.