July 12, 2006
Running Scared

We all do or have done this. Sometimes it looks like depression or self-pity. Go to Tent Pegs to find out the difference. Sometimes we find comfort in escapism. Fantasy is much more friendly than reality. Name your poison. For me, it can be losing myself in a good book or several.

Our society tells us when life is overwhelming or our personal issues are too crazy we should take a Pill. And we do. Many times without a prescription even.

The blue or the red. Continue the comfort of fantasy or awaken to the harshness and beauty of reality. Do we doze our way to eternity? Do we battle every day of our life.

I’m not saying that entertainment is of the the devil. Escapism is. It numbs our soul, embitters our closest allies against us and starves our spirit.

Running scared is a familiar sensation for most of us, if we are brave enough to admit it.

Are you running away? Or are you running toward?

Toward what, you ask? The fight! Of course. We are in a battle. Every day of our lives. Every breath is in direct defiance of the desire of the devourer and destroyer. So, you can lie down and close your eyes, convince yourself that it’s acupuncture and not a swordfight and be lost. He can’t take your life. As a believer that belongs to G-d. He can work to destroy your witness, your hope, your strength.

If you let him.

You could always stand up, call upon the Name and either be saved from the attack or strengthened to fight. It’s a choice.

We refuse to face the consequences of our own actions so many times. We think we can stick our head in the sand or tv screen, or computer monitor and postpone the inevitable hammer. We are convinced that something or someone is coming to take us out. Maybe it will. Maybe we did make really stupid decisions. Avoiding the results of those decisions won’t teach us to not do that again. Until we truly see and own the consequence of our own actions we will be destined to repeat our behavior.

There is hope. There truly is. But you’ll never find Him until you turn to Him. You’ll never face the issue until you are willing to face the discipline of a loving Father.

And neither will I.

This is the reality of the Walk. When it’s not pretty and there are no musical interludes to make our soul feel nice. Our flesh comes calling and we aren’t willing to let G-d answer the door. We choose to feed our soulish desires at the expense of our spiritual integrity.

In all honesty, there will always be another book to read, another game to play, another party to attend. I know I will be weak and will sometimes choose hide myself away in whatever seems to be the “drug of choice”. Bon bons… But it’s in these moments of clarity that I see that I DO have a choice. This free will thing. All I must do is Look Up. Open my mouth and call upon His Name.

That’s so much easier than carrying a burden of shame He didn’t intend for me.

A burden neither of us were created to bear.