Hells bells… I am in one foul mood. So, to wallow in it until I’m prune-y I thought I would share some of my pet peeves…
- Constant smilers. Nervous gigglers.
- Men who can’t move their gaze north of my adam’s apple.
- You shoving your infant/toddler onto my lap with exclamations of how “cute he is” when he/she has a) freshly crapped herself/himself or b) is dribbling copious amounts of yellow snot, puke or freshly mushed animal crackers. They aren’t cute like that. Heck, MINE weren’t cute when they were like that and I actually have an emotional investment.
- Homeschoolers who have children that look like the Waltons and have the emotional aptitude of the Beverly Hillbillies. Ya’ll always insist on giving me parenting/schooling advice. I’m sure everyone understands why I choose to plug my ears and hum.
- Making me the butt of your every joke. Sure, I’ll laugh a little. And snicker some. ‘Cuz your turns comin’ sweetheart. You won’t even know it when it happens. It’s amusing to see someone laugh at themselves without even realizing it. Vindictive? Bite me.
- Drama created for the sole purpose of drama. I find it difficult to believe that there are so few people out there who are willing to live ordinary lives and let the excitement FIND them. Good grief folks. Sometimes it’s just a look. Sometimes it’s just a comment. It’s not a freaking conspiracy. You aren’t REALLY that important anyway.
- Cashiers/clerks who want to talk with me. I have friends. I don’t come here for your riveting conversational skills. I came with 10 items in the 11 item lane so I could get out of here quickly. No, I don’t care that there is a sale on film. What kind of neanderthals use film camera’s anymore anyway!!!
- 10 year old girls in makeup and skanky clothes. 55 year old grandmothers in heavy makeup and skanky clothes.
- T-shirts with stupid messages. The Very Large Girl at the movie theatre wearing the shirt that says “1st Little Piggy”. Not funny. The guy with the shirt “An awkward morning is better than a boring night”. Funny.
- New Wave revisited. MOHAWKS? What the HELL is that about?
- Crotch sniffer dogs who are “driven” to experience all there is to know about you. And their owners who giggle and laugh and think it’s “funny”. Can I punch your dog in the nose? I would find that highly amusing as well.
There are more. There always are. I could go all Pollyanna and count my blessings for a bit. I have a couple or three. Nah. I’m better at bitchy today.