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May 8, 2007
:Public Service Announcement:

When being manly and impressive it is important to remember a few rules.

1. Don’t talk incessantly about your physical ailments. This makes you look like a wuss. This also inspires pity which gives us ladies the almost irresistible desire to pat you on your head and walk away. Most men also find this distasteful.

2. When asked a question, do answer thoughtfully and within a relatively quick period of time. Don’t make us pry the answer out of you with a crow bar. We don’t even care about you at this juncture and that’s entirely too much work. Most of us are looking for friends, not ministry. (Maybe that sounds cold, but it’s true, isn’t it?)

3. If you are a man who is married and working away from home for long stretches of time do talk excessively about your wife. Not about what she does, but about who she is. Do gravitate to the other men in the group, not the women. See, the other husbands get a bit testy and say things like “You’ve got a wife, leave mine alone!” Just sayin’.

4. Don’t sit quietly and stare. This makes us nervous. Very. Blink occasionally so we know you are still with us.

5. If we are all engaged in lively conversation, please join in. Have an opinion and even stand firm on an issue we all may disagree with. This shows us plainly what you are made of.

Addendum:
1. Regarding sex… I firmly believe in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” philosophy. In polite society, bragging or explicitly sharing one’s sexploitations is considered juvenile. At least that is my most common understanding. If, indeed, you are truly Casanova incarnate, women will be able to tell in many subtle and delicious ways which have absolutely nothing to do with how much you boast about your prowess. If you are not? No amount of over-sharing will convince us. We can tell. All of us.

2. I hereby quote directly from Athor Pel… “To insure the other person judges your IQ as greater than room temperature be sure to ask questions so as to learn something of the other person. The more you let them talk about themselves the smarter they think you are. Remember to ask follow up questions. Few people can resist the urge to talk about themselves.”

Remember… Nothing endears you quite so easily to others as the ability to allow them the opportunity to speak ad nauseum about their favorite subject. Even if it bores you to tears. And it can be quite amusing to see how long someone will talk about themselves before realizing they haven’t spoken a word of interest in YOU. This, consequently, also can be quite telling. If you’ve spent the last 20 minutes discussing, in myopic detail, your most recent trip to the *** (fill in blank) but cannot remember the first name of the person across from you. Well, there just might be a problem.

Thank you for your time. We now return to our regular programming…