Family Business | Uncategorized

Without a vision…

March 10, 2012

The heavy weight…

I have sometimes, not often, wondered about the level of intentional discussion my  husband and I engage in with regard to the rearing of our sons and the environments which we limit them to and all of the surrounding considerations.

There are many.  Who will be there?  What is the activity?  What time will be spent in unsupervised “free time”?  What could the potential fall-out be for X activity? Why are they interested in going?

These questions apply to friends, extra-curricular, educational activities, and even spiritual events.   We are deliberate.  We are careful.  We are, often, annoyingly un-impulsive.

See, I have a plan, a vision, for my sons.  I know the kind of MEN I hope they become.

Today I learned my cousin died.  I learned he killed himself in a violent death while surrounded by law enforcement serving a warrant on him for an unspeakable crime. I remembered how, a few years ago, I wrote of Dana and how she was found hours after her death locked in a public restroom. And then not by those she had gone to “party” with.  She died alone. Uncomforted.

That is NOT what I want for my children. That is not what I want for ME!   I want them to grow to become thoughtful, intelligent, courageous men of integrity and purpose.  Men who have the ability to value those around them and who are valued themselves.

What did my relatives do to raise such lonely, desperate children?  It would be unkind to speculate.  Especially at this point.

There is a point when free-will trumps training.   I know very well that it is impossible to predict the outcome of anyone persons life.  I have a friend who should have been a teen pregnancy, drug-addled, big city statistic. She’s now a very conservative, homeschool parent with an accomplished and decorated young son in the Navy.  She’s raising the rest of her family in a home that is more Laura Ingalls than Hunger Games.

I know God can and will keep my sons.  But in the aftermath of today I am even more determined to invest myself MORE seriously to the foundation of godliness, integrity, and purpose that I have been given the opportunity to share.

  • Arielle

    Aww, Heidi. I’m sorry. Wish I could say something meaningful. I do think that you and your husband are giving your boys a good foundation on which to build their lives, and what you’ve purposed to do is all that you can do – the rest is up to them. But I have a feeling down the road they’ll ‘rise up and call you blessed.’

  • Where’s the “Like” button for Arielle’s comment?

  • I have pondered this very topic this week. I thank you, as usual, for your timely words. I sat with a group of ladies who call themselves ‘secular’. Listening to them reason out and find logic in their children’s behaviors, find reason – find answers – without Christ, without the Spirit, saddened my spirit immensely. Several times this week, I have felt the push from families who want to either raise children with complete free wills, or with an iron thumb allowing no free discovery. They push me aside, being relaxed, and yet disciplined. Answers involving prayer, the word, and the Lord to do His Will. I will hold my boys closer. Continue to not apologize for our boundaries. I fear that I might have that quizical stare, star-ey eyed look as they try to figure out how to ‘make’ their children behave in a way that does not either annoy them or embarrass them. So thankful for many of my Bend friends to continue to make me feel normal.