It’s been a weird day. There’ s just no two ways about it. From the serial killer dream all the way to the book with (I would swear on this) a picture of MY dog in it. OK, not really my dog, but it sure as hell looked just like him!
Perhaps it was the heat, the lack of sleep, the pile of bills or the crazy out-law’s but I have been unable to find Normal all day. “Is that unusual?” asks my precious reader.
No. But today was exceptional.
I woke up tired. At 5:45. Sharp shooting pains in my stomach. Leftovers from that Other Thing I’m too polite to mention. Maybe. So, after the required trip to the “facilities” I toss and turn until 7:30 wandering in and out of the freakiest dream I’ve had in a while and thinking perhaps I should just get up and walk the dog.
Life goes on beautifully… We have 2 extra kids today, it’s 94 degrees and humid ( I live in the high desert, we don’t do humid) and I decide to take a walk at 12noon…. The kids have been fighting for 4 hours, we all get hot, fall down, find animal bones and I decided to wear flip-flops on a trail. A dirt trail with random piles of pine cones. I almost ruined my pedicure. I talk to my neighbor, the one who does tats out of his “side shed” off his single wide trailer and just recently came back after being mysteriously “Gone” for 2 years. He’s got a few less teeth but I was flattered to hear that he still thinks I “look good”. Yeah. Buh-bye! We rush off.
Upon returning home (I will refrain from pointing at my youngest because I truly have no one else to blame) somebody, some little person, TOOK A SHIT in the boys room. The literal Boys Room. As in a bedroom. A small shit, but a turd nonetheless. And then it got stepped in, on and spread around. No one will fess up to it and I get to clean the carpets. We’re a ways past diapers. I’m not used to this. And in case anyone asks, I know it wasn’t the dog… Trust me, I know!
We finished the night off by having dinner at our local Thai restaurant where I spilled everything I touched and after going to the grocery store and Goodwill to purchase a lovely pink thing with lace on it, we finally arrived to pick up the kids at VBS. Whereupon I took the small fleece bear made to match the bear sent to starving children in Somalia (moral support, at least they’ll feel good about not having anything to eat or being murdered for their faith) promptly stuck it down the front of my tanktop and named it Cleveland…. Obvious joke here.
I was called “irreverent” which I still don’t have a problem with and I do believe I may have scandalized someone. I apparently like that too much. Scandalizing folks that is, not having a fleece bear crammed down my shirt.
So, now it’s 9:42 and I’m going to bed. And you should know… I left things out which were too personal and embarrassing even for me!
OH! My husband, bless his precious heart, EMBARRASSED ME by making a crude joke.
Moment of silence.
In 13 1/2 years of knowing and adoring him this has NEVER happened. I happen to possess the ability to out-crass almost anyone I know.
We are so proud.