I am not trying to mess with anyone.
The story isn’t all that interesting.
For quite some time, The Mr. and I have had a differences of opinion about the purpose of this blog. He is quite private and finds my intellectual and emotional exhibitionism startling. I’ve even read over my archives lately and been a little disgusted by some of my emotional rantings. “To thine own self be true” should never be used as an excuse to subject anyone to unresolved adolescent angst.
At one point recently, he believed I crossed the line. The one between acceptable and distasteful. After my verbal barf-fest, and given my choice to vent publicly about a private matter it seemed that I threatened his privacy.
It was a 2 second choice.
Keep my blog in the form that it had come to be or leave my husband in a state where he would be guarded around me and feel the need to protect himself from my sharing of our life and his issues with the world?
His words, “It seems serious matters in our home are shared between you, me and the blogworld.”
I deleted my blog.
He freaked, thinking it a vindictive female, “I will punish you forever” type move. Which it wasn’t. A year and a half of writing was not worth corrupting my husband’s trust and damaging his belief that he is safe with me. Not even for 5 minutes.
My freedom of expression is less important than his well-being.
So, I am pondering what this blog is to become. He is quite fierce in the assertion that I must continue writing. I would love for him to become a part of this world, I’ve asked him repeatedly. But it’s not his deal. He needs faces and handshakes, not pixels and verbs. I’m ok with it. I suppose.
Now, don’t go making this all weird or self-sacrificing. See, if the Mr. & I aren’t ok, I don’t function. Literally. Until things are resolved I am worthless. This is what it took to make things right between us. No brainer. Self-preservation even.
This week has been insanely busy, so I apologize for not letting you all know sooner what was going on.