Pondering, as I am wont to do, upon things small and great can sometimes lead me to a minor revelation. Sometimes.
Today it did.
I was considering how my study of the Bible has, of late, seemed a bit stale. I am not questioning G-d or anything, but some of the sparkle has diminished. Life gets busy, demands become urgent and I fail to make the time necessary for hearing and listening. Late nights, early mornings and constant ringing of the telephone can wear on my somewhat tenuous hold on a focused and disciplined life.
I began to feel disappointment in myself for not living the lifestyle I preach so passionately. I began to cave under the pressure of self-imposed condemnation. And as I did, I asked G-d, “What can I do to make this right?”
A quiet answer came to my heart. An answer that did not shame or condemn. An answer taht was so simple I was stunned and humbled in a split second.
“Read me like you love me.”
At that moment I realized that so much of my searching of the Word is culminated in the pursuit of a knowledge of Him rather than a relationship with Him. What I am learning about can become more important than the Person being revealed.
Love believes the best. When I read the Word through eyes that love I cannot be distant, cynical, cold to the Personality revealed.
Love does not doubt. I am unable to question His faithfulness to me when I see His faithfulness to all those who have called upon His Name.
Love casts out fear. I am able to rest in the knowledge that He does know the end from the beginning and my circumstance is not beyond His redemption.
Love pursues. I am drawn to Him because of His tangible presence in the form of His word. I am focused on Him because I have allowed my heart to see the evidence of His care in my life. I follow because I know that Life follows Love. To Live, I must be where He is.
“Read me like you love me.” Not study to find the most delicate nuance of the Law that can be interpreted to confound and impress those around. Don’t study as for a project or a degree in G-d. He is not removed from me that I can look at Him objectively. He indwells me. Therefore, I must look past me to find Him and keeping my eyes steady, I can walk past my warring flesh and see the possibility to become more like Him.
Because I love Him.