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Why Not Get A Pole?

August 13, 2006

I don’t see very many people here lately and so I find myself a bit giddy with freedom.

All alone!!!! Whee!!!

In my perusing of the blogworld for interesting and controversial conversations I was pleased/amused/appalled to find the following discussion at The Blogger Blaster’s.

I’ve been reading over at Nate’s place for awhile, but it seems to be a tight group and since I’m not Southron, Mensa or highly versed in the investment strategies for precious metals and commodities, I read and do not comment.

Back to the interesting conversation… He posted about these, ahem, bedroom furnishings that he and his wife are contemplating. I admit I don’t find the idea of dancing around a pole to be appealing and neither do I think for a moment that my husband would appreciate my absence of grace and complete lack of dancing skill. There are other ways that I employ to get his attention. Laughing until you can’t breathe and/or applying pressure to the head wound don’t sound like foreplay to me. Maybe I’m just naive.

The collective gasp in his comments came from one very confusing person who began to assert that sex was only for procreation and that recreational sex leads to all sorts of evils including dishonoring G-d and various degrees of sin. And then this other person chimes in and begins, most vehemently, to agree and furthermore to tell us that any type of “creative behavior” is also sinful.

To be fair, the vast majority of comments were people just as flabbergasted as I. There was great laughter and finger pointing. Much fun was had at the expense of these two or three poor souls.

To succintly state my own point, I will say this. The marriage bed is undefiled. The marriage relationship is between you, your spouse and G-d. If the three of you are good, it’s none of my business, I don’t want a play by play commentary.

The reason I even bring this up is because I see so many women out there who don’t enjoy their husbands and it confuses me. I see men who don’t enjoy their wives and I am puzzled.

And I would pose a question to those who believe that sex is only for procreation. If it’s only purpose is procreation, why would G-d bother to make it potentially enjoyable? I say potentially because while all the nerve endings are present, it requires some, um, focus and determination to learn the preferences of another individual.

In all seriousness. In marriage, it is appalling that we treat each other with such disdain. We bring shame and condemnation in the very arena where openness and vulnerability are to be most safe. I have heard some consider themselves adversaries with one “rewarding” the other. Or combatants with one “coercing” or “tempting” the other. “He talked me into it.” “She wouldn’t leave me alone until I…”

All I gotta say is this. If that’s your life? You are missing out. Sucks to be you. The one who pursues and pursues with measured success? At some point, you will hit the wall and be too tired/bitter/angry to continue to chase what should be freely given. And that sucks too.