Funny | Satire | Sublimly Ridiculous | Thoughts

5 Current Trends I Don’t Understand

May 21, 2014

Trend #1:

“Frozen”  And everything about it.

Frozen frenzyOk, I saw the movie.  Misunderstood girl, lonely little sister, orphaned,  Broadway-esque music, Disney big-eyed, tiny waisted, princess beauties, funny/awkward male lead, goofy sidekick.  I get it, all the right elements have converged.

But, seriously?  Was it THAT good?  I mean the songs are catchy, but they surely weren’t Belle and the Beast.  “Be Our Guest” will echo through my head far longer than “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman.”

And the girls… The little girls singing their hearts out to “Let It Go”…  What, pray tell, do the lyrics even mean to an 8 year old?

“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Have you ever known an 8 year old who kept anything inside?

“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know…”

Conceal… Conceal what? And why is it terrible to be good?  And, seriously?  Who is the 8 year old guarding herself from?  So many questions.

“It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free.”

Um… I’ve never met many postmodernist children, yet, here they are, singing it out loud.  Maybe I should get out more.  Or are they the one’s with the hipster glasses?

“The cold never bothered me anyway.”

Right.   Cuz I’m sure when everyone is at the skating rink, they are the ones in shorts and a tank.  And the figurative meaning?  Being ok with being shunned as a child is just about as likely as the aforementioned outfit in February.

The Drahhhhmmmmaaaaaa!!!!

It was cute.  But really, it wasn’t that great, to me.

Let the stoning commence.

 Trend #2:

buttons.jpg

Men’s shirts buttoned to the very, tippy top.    There are some, un-named entities within my household who persevere in this idea.    All I see is “Revenge of the Nerds” and yet, I am continually told that “this is cool and EVERYONE is doing it!”   I am completely half tempted to remove all the top buttons from the aforementioned person’s shirts.

Trend #3:

eyeglasses.jpg

Glasses, without prescription lenses, worn exclusively for style.   I have worn prescription glasses since the wee age of 5.  I have always been afraid I would lose my ability to see, like that poor man in the Twilight Zone episode who finally had All The Time In The World to read and he broke his glasses.  In fact, one of the biggest stressors for me when thinking of the The End Of The World, is not having enough pairs of glasses, contacts to carry me through to the return of Christ.   At last count, I have 4 pairs of glasses.

So, WHY in the world would people wear glasses for “style” and fun?  They aren’t that fun.  Promise.

Trend #4:

Denim Dog Clothes.jpg

The dressing of small animals as though they are tiny children.   I have a tiny dog.  And he doesn’t regulate his temp well so, sometimes, in the winter, he wears a little coat.   I also had a coat for my 90# boxer, when he was with us, and a blanket for the horse when I had her as well.  I think it is good animal care to make sure they are warm and comfortable.

But hair bows and bow-ties?  Painted toenails and “a different outfit for every day of the week?”  My lady friends, there is nothing you could do to make the biological clock’s ticking turn into the pounding of samurai drums faster than this.

Trend #5:

slouchyhat.jpg

 

Heavy knit beanies in the summer.  So, you are rocking the Converse sneakers, the cut off shorts, the ironic T-shirt, and then you top it off with a welcome-to-Snowpocalypse heavy wool knit beanie.

Why?!!?!   The juxtaposition of summertime and wintertime hot mess just triggered a small stroke in my ancient brain.

While sweat runs down the side of your neck and the red flush to your cheeks gives away your excruciatingly elevated body temperature in 80 degree summer weather, I can’t help but wonder how you think this is “cool” or even remotely close to it?

There are so many things about our modern culture I don’t understand… Hashtag activism, the narcissism of selfies, biscuits and gravy at drive-thru coffee shacks, donut shops on every corner…

But, I will settle for now only pondering these five.   What about you?  What current trends to you find mind-boggling?

 

will they like it

I know… I should just let it go.

  • Well said! A few of those issues are close to home for me in more than one way. 🙂

    • Heidi Stone

      Yes. Indeed, my dear, indeed.

  • Okay….I soooooo agree with all 5 of these. We didn’t really like Frozen and thought we were the only ones. …and knit beanies…seriously. …they don’t really look good on many people. When I drive past the local high school, all I can think of is Smurfville! From one legally blind gal, nerd glasses have, and always will be, just that….nerd glasses. Wow! This really touched a nerve I guess 🙂

    • Heidi Stone

      This makes me happy! 🙂

  • Dan Heinzman

    Totally with you on the glasses. I envy someone who can lose their glasses and it makes no difference to their ability to navigate through life or enjoy the movie with the “friend” who was completely enamored with them because of said glasses. But “Frozen”? I liked it. I took three grand children ranging in age from 4 to 8 years and they were glued to the screen. They each seemed to find something that kept their attention and as for me, I saw a redemptive message throughout. I must watch it again to know why I thought that and so I can point that message out to those who might be looking for meaning in their entertainment. Mostly, however, I think the kids just liked the combination of music, color, comedy, and action etc.
    Oops, forgot to make the paragraph break up there a ways……
    Beanies! I’m folicly challenged and have no idea how to spell it but I wear a hat/head covering on most occasions for the same reason I wore glasses. I need to! So, seeing a beanie on someone with a full head of hair trips buttons on several levels.
    Speaking of buttons, I think I was so absorbed with noticing the glasses and beanies that I never got to the top button thing. But, really? Me thinks they are just covering up the fact that they have no chest hair?
    As for the little critter things being dressed up I wish I had thought of it so I could pad my “fixed income” a little. The reason I am not rich is that I can’t predict what totally ridiculous thing, to me, will trip the imagination of a sufficient number of people to the degree that they pull out the old credit card and swipe it through that little unit that did not exist yet when I watched the astronauts land on the moon in 1969. Day late and a dollar short is a saying that was made for me.