August 26, 2006

So, we went and saw that football movie “Invincible”, the one about the Philie Eagles, Vince Papale and a bajillion bad mid-70’s sets/cars/costumes/hair do’s. 1/2 the movie was spent whispering “What the HELL!” to my husband about the freakishly huge ‘fro or the BEARD!

I don’t remember much of the 70’s. I was born in ’74, enough said.

This was a very well done film for it’s genre, I thought. No spoilers, but it was remarkably clean and decent considering it was put on by Disney. There wasn’t a single witch, alternative lifestyle or deep question about sexuality. Not a single mention of G-d, which is not surprising, but there wasn’t any religion bashing either.


The facet of this movie that brought me Pause was the deep friendships that were reflected in the film. A kind of Brotherhood if you will.

Where did that go? Does it exist anymore outside of the forced solidarity of the club, the fraternity/sorority, the clique?

It seems we’ve lost a great deal of community in our ambition and our technological superiority. We seem to pride ourselves more on being Lone Wolf than Staunch Supporter. We expend immense amounts of energy working diligently to prove we are capable and need no one. Only to end up wondering where the hell everyone went.

The brotherhood. The sisterhood. The concept eludes most of us. We’ve become a society of transients. Whether emotionally or physically. Or both. We don’t stay in one place long enough to be known. We can’t risk being rejected, abandoned, overlooked. We justify that we don’t “need” the conversation, the challenge to our independence, the accountability for true motivation.

Is it because, somewhere deep down, we don’t believe we are worth knowing? Does it mean that we haven’t had the opportunity to have a friend who sees the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent and loves us anyway?

Maybe love is too strong a word. I’m not comfortable with it. It kinda creeps me out. I don’t do Moments. I don’t linger in a quiet, somewhat intimate scenarios.

So perhaps, to accomodate my own issues, I’ll call it commitment. Who do we have in our lives that see in us all that is real. The nuts and bolts of who we are and stand with us. They see our poor behavior and acknowledge our struggle without abandoning us to our weakness.

Who do we have who values us? Value. A term that expresses the concept of worth in general.

Who understands our inherent value? Who has seen our core so they honestly determine what is valuable? Better yet. Who doesn’t need the explanation or the understanding and finds us valuable anyway?

I don’t want to wax all spiritual because I’m not questioning the absence of community based on church attendance or lack thereof. You can be “involved” to the nth degree at your local congregation and still not be a part of the community. Anyone who disputes that is an idiot.

I’m talking about the reasons we use to hide ourselves from the strength of our peers. The friendship that goes deeper than football tickets and pedicures. It’s the friend you could call at 3am when your marriage is in crisis. Or the friend who buys you medicine and delivers it to the house without question. The one you trust with your spouse or your children. The one’s who don’t need an invitation to come over. The folks who see you fail and succeed and their “commitment” stays the same.

For the first time in my life, I have some of these friends. Family. The beginnings of brotherhood. Or sisterhood. Since I am a girl and all that. 🙂 It’s a bit freaky. And since I tend to lean heavily in the direction of cynicism, very difficult to trust.

Not their issue. Mine. I’m working on that.