The house has been quiet all day. All day. Only one phone call. Do you have any idea how strange/wonderful/weird that is? Probably not. But it is.
We cleaned the house. I disinfected my shower. I scrubbed and bleached and vacuumed in crevices.
A truly glorious day. I indulged my OCD compulsions. Ahhh!!! This type of indulgence is a necessary part of my mental and spiritual wellbeing.
Ok, I’m only kidding. Mostly.
I’ve been thinking about commitment a lot lately. It’s an easy word to say. It’s a
bitch bear to live out. Promises, promises. Reality, reality.
I tend to be cynical about, well, just about everything. Sometimes it saves me from being hurt, but mostly it’s a hurdle I have to overcome when I am at a crossroads. It’s funny how we call ourselves “wise” when we are simply being insecure and frightened. We call “red flags” and “foul” when G-d is giving us insight and discernment so we can both pray with and stand for. The weakness of ourselves and others is where we find unity. Not the compilation of our strengths. That comes later. Much later. Shortly after we realize that our strengths are G-d’s gift and our weakness is the catalyst by which we are able to recognize our need.
Today I had an “apostrophe”. (that’s Peter Pan for epiphany). I find the all-together crowd tiresome, tedious and distasteful. I love the reality. You know, the warm gooey center of vulnerability and weakness? That inspires my fidelity and even a teensy bit of compassion. I’m not naturally gifted in that department, but the bit which I do possess makes a red carpet appearance in the face of the raw and the unguarded.
So, there you have it.
One more layer in the onion that is Heidi. You can fry that up, dip it in ranch and enjoy!