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An observation…

July 12, 2007

A reminder, such as it is, of how I have failed in friendship and how I can improve…

Why We Need Four

Respect, mutual admiration, trust and honesty.

These are the foundational elements to any relationship which one intends to take beyond mere acquaintance and into the realm of companion of the heart. Armor bearer, if you will. Why don’t I include Love? Because Love is a commandment and should be given to whomever we are in fellowship with regardless of any behavior that is shown. Because Love is to be offered even though the other person may not deserve, acknowledge or reciprocate. Because Love shouldn’t hinge on anything but an acknowledgement of G-d’s grace to us and His Love which never fails while we constantly live in a state of undeserved compassion and mercy.

These four characteristics of a good relationship come as a result of time, choices, character and vision. While Love many times produces this type of fruit, we shouldn’t base Love upon it.

Without any one of these elements the relationship is doomed for failure. Mutual admiration is what draws you in at the beginning and through honesty and respect this admiration continues to grow. It is very difficult to hold onto respect when honesty is missing and without honesty, trust is almost impossible.

Imagine a table, a good, solid table. A table that is both well-made and ready for years of good service. What happens when you chop off one of the legs? Now it is precarious at best and destructive at worst. It may even look serviceable and completely acceptable from many angles. It can still serve a few purposes, if it is propped up adequately and no one looks too closely or expects too much.

But was the original intent of the table to just look good or at least presentable if not examined too closely? Isn’t a table for coffee and crumpets while discussing the thoughts and intents of our hearts? Isn’t a table for nourishment and sustenance? Isn’t a table the place to spread out our study books and find the understanding behind the words? Isn’t a table intended to be useful?

And when it is not used for its’ intended purpose or kept in working order so as to be of service, what good is it?

A three legged table will not securely support those around it. One will end up supporting the other at the expense of both. A two legged table is firewood.

What we often forget, in our foolishness, is this. Rebuilding can often take more time than was necessary to build in the first place. And when rebuilt we will never look the same.