I met Bane the other night. In a dream. I visit his blog almost every day since… Well, if you know Bane. You know since “when”. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to meet him, but, oddly enough, I really think I did. I couldn’t tell you what he looked like. Big guy, well, bigger than me. Carefully put together. Not fancy, attentive to detail. I liked him. Of course, I’ve never disliked him.
I know. Cue Twilight Zone music. Whatever. I dreamed this a couple of weeks ago and have wondered whether or not I should share this… Obviously I decided to.
It was a bright, clear morning when he, Nat & Johnny showed up at my doorstep. They had come to pick me up and take me to meet his family. We talked and laughed as we drove over the mountains and to his home. The kids played in the back seat. Her giggles were infectious and Johnny played the perfect straight man for her jokes.
Bane was pale and uncomfortable, in obvious pain, but still remained charming and witty, sarcastic and unpredictable. Sprinkled with innuendo and expletive his “real voice” was just as I imagined it would be from reading what he had written. Although I couldn’t tell you what we talked about the 2 hour drive passed in the blink of an eye.
I walked into his house expecting to feel awkward and clumsy, the way I usually feel in a new environment, but I didn’t. There was a palpable warmth, a tangible connection between the few gathered there that I couldn’t escape. As much as I thought I needed to maintain a polite “reserve”, I both didn’t want to and didn’t feel as though I needed to. Nat & Johnny chased each other around the house and looking over the landing I saw young men and a young woman. I don’t remember faces really and I don’t quite remember how many or of what gender his children are. In my dream these were Bane’s children and they were teasing and laughing in a rough sort of comaraderie.
I noticed a piano and he told me I was welcome to play it but, try as i might, I just couldn’t. He smiled and said, “That’s ok, it’s for Her anyway.” And as he said it, his wife walked in the door and his face lit up. He told me how much he loved her, how beautiful and talented she was and how these people, in this house, were the most important people in the world to him. That they were going to be fine. She smiled contentedly and went off toward the kitchen. I could hear soft singing coming from that direction punctuated by barks of laughter from downstairs. Johnny crawled up on his lap and put his head on Bane’s shoulder.
If I could put a word to the atmosphere of that place it would be peace. Not the “absence of strife” kind of peace, but the kind of peace that settles over you like a thick down comforter on a winter night. The kind of peace that warms you to the core. And a deep undercurrent of joy.
Bane sat in his chair and soaked it all in looking as though he’d aged 10 years since he picked me up that morning. I turned slowly in a circle trying to understand and to brand what I was seeing into my memory. It all seemed Important, even though I couldn’t quite figure it all out.
But when I got back to where I had started, his chair was empty. He was just gone. Johnny was sleeping in the chair alone, curled up where Bane had been.
While it was shocking to not see him where he’d been seconds before the peace and joy continued without even so much as a hiccup. I felt like an intruder and quietly let myself out the front door in the weak Oregon sunlight.
No one noticed me leave but I could hear the sound of their laughter as I walked away.
I woke up then and didn’t talk about this for a few days. It seemed precious. In it’s own odd little way. I have no idea why I would be processing right now. Maybe I’m just more than a little slow on the uptake, maybe it was whisper of comfort from the other side.
The Mr. wondered if the dream was sent to comfort more than just me and recommended that I write it here. I don’t know. I don’t pretend to be a voice of anything. This was an “experience” that was vivid and beyond Real.
Perhaps the telling of it will bless someone else. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone. He was there, he shared the most precious elements of his life with me, reveled in the presence of his children and his wife. He was there. Big as life.
And then he wasn’t.
But it was OK anyhow.