Growing is what happens while I’m busy doing other stuff. My awareness is directly proportionate to the amount of time I have to actually realize the difference between today and two years ago. My perspective is relative to the amount of sleep I’ve had the night before and my response?
Today is one of those moments where I cannot be silent.
G-d is doing something in my heart. A rejuvenation of spirit, a reintroduction of joy.
It’s delightful. And delicious.
Silly. I know this may appear silly to anyone else but it is fantastic to me. This is not giddy, adrenaline infused “happy”, but a tempered, refined joy that softly glistens with the shimmer of shed tears and echoes of whispered prayers in the middle of the night. At the heart of it is a seed of hope that cannot be deferred.
I am in awe of a simple G-d, a quiet faith, a gentle drawing of the Spirit. A wooing, if you will, that I find myself unable to resist. I have rediscovered the kind of prayer that doesn’t involve copious use of “Father G-d”, “just” or countless varieties of Christian speak that defy logic and confuse the issue. I have need. I have Someone who listens. The Word is opening up to me again. Unfolding in front of me. Just the Word. Without additional commentary. My brothers encouraging me through the Epistles. My Father declaring His Glory in the Psalms. My Lord tenderly feeding those who could not feed themselves. The Spirit of G-d covering and comforting, keeping and teaching.
I’m not fancy over here. No deep eschatology debates. No inference of hidden meanings in ancient texts. No ritual. No rites. No orthodoxy. Just faith. Hope. Love.
I know whom I have believed. He will keep me. And that’s enough.
Enough. Now that’s silly. It is beyond expectation. Almost beyond description.
I find myself talking to a friend, walking away marveling at a nugget of Truth I’ve just realized and then becoming excited that I have been taught. I don’t even care if they heard me or not! I find myself quoting Scripture instead of opinions and offering prayer instead of advice.
G-d has been quietly at work while I’ve been busy doing other things. I cannot believe how blessed I am because He continued.
In spite of me.
Apparently He thinks I’m worth it. Even when I cannot see how. Even when all I have to offer is the widow’s mite.
Poor in spirit. Rich in grace.
Filled with joy.