Family Business | Funny | Happy Thoughts

Brain Lint

December 3, 2008

Oh. My. Gosh.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much brain lint I have packed in between my ears.  Such a week this has been.  Such a few weeks, actually.  I’ve held off on blogging about it because I actually do have a few things I don’t share here.   So much for open-ness, huh?

ha.  ha. ha.

Ok, ya’ll know I quit my job a month-ish ago.  Woopee, good times.  Well, as I began to dig further into shoool with the progeny I began to see some MAJOR, and I mean M.A.J.O.R., things which concerned me.  So being a diligent and faithful home educator who has it all together, complete with denim jumper and holier-than-thou attitude, I panicked.   Cold truth is I completely blame myself for letting my priorities and maudlin tendencies get in the way of adequately educating my children.  Oh they know their spiritual nuggets (did you even know you have spiritual nuggets?  You do now!) but they were lacking in the 3 R’s.   Reading,’Riting and ‘Rumination… I mean ‘Rithmetic.

So, after lengthy research ( a 45 minute phone call with Another Heidi) and extensive soul-searching ( a 20 minute conversation with the Mr.)  we began the enrollment process for the kidlets in a publicly funded educational system.

Ok, who just crapped themselves.   Please don’t raise your hands, we can smell you from here.

It’s not as bad as all that.   As soon as we make it through the application process with their cross-dressing transvestive teacher who shall seek to fill their brains with feminist propaganda and bribe them with candy to tell her/him/it where our non-politically correct paraphernalia are stashed.  You know, Bibles,  independent thought and any and all weaponry, I think we’ll be ok.  We’ll be taking Englush as an elective foreign language and Interpretive Sharia law as a core class.  The Constitution and  the 10 Commandments will be taught as ancient religious myths/legend and as soon as we memorize “All Hail our Mocha Messiah Who Brings Us Change and Circuses”  the boys should be just fine.  My life partner and I are feeling extremely positive about it.

Please pass the marijuana.

Ok, just kidding.   Mostly.  We did enroll them in a publicly funded educational system.  It’s a “Virtual School” called K12 which is partially written by former homeschoolers, very favorably bent toward our success at HOME and comes with boxes of curriculum, online resources,  the oversight and lesson planning of a teacher who functions to support Us and a free computer for our use during the school year.    All for free.  Well, sorta.  It’s publicly funded and since I know that it costs them FAR less per year to educate my children at my home I am completely confident that my tax dollars are being well-spent to further my children’s educational goals.  The program is a mastery based program written by William Bennett, former Secretary of Education under the Gipper and functions on an 80% or greater score needed on lessons/units in order to achieve promotion to the next phase.   The curriculum looks nothing like anything else out there and, frankly?  We’re diggin’ it!

It is, however, requiring a shift of my life and is kicking my ass.   I printed the board foot equivalent of the Ark, as in Noah’s Ark, on Monday and after some less than auspicious beginnings we are on day 3, heading into day 4 and really?  I mean Really.  I think we’re going to like it.

Some homeschool gigglish bits….   Everyone in the public school system, everyone who has never homeschooled or has never had children always worries, profusely, over the need for my children to be Socialized.  Because apparently,  Johnny without social skills is a fate worse than death.  I mean how will he EVER IM on MySpace if he has no social skills?   How will he pass Texting 101 and Impressing Girls 304?   As a homeschooled child will he be doomed to wander the paths of his life wearing high-waters and bad glasses with nary a thought for the coolness of his hair-do?   Socialization!   The holy grail of education.

Unless of course you believe, as I do, that actually learning something is the holy grail of education…

So, Mrs. Adorable, our teacher,  in her very sweet and accomodating voice which made me instantly want to go out and buy her apples and send her every #1 Teacher piece of kitsch I could lay my hands on, has enthusiatically shared the solution for ORVA (Oregon Virtual Academy, not the scientific name for orc larvae) to the desperate need for Socialization among those poor, unfortunate souls who must stay home with their crazy parents all day….

Are you ready?

Field trips!  Oh, oh, OH! I was quivering with delight…/sarc/  That means once in October and once in January, we’ll spend the afternoon with strangers trying to “interact positively” and “learn something”.   So….

Well, at least we know it’ll fit easily into our planner.   Although I think the 4 hour birthday party today with a bunch of really AWESOME boys had more to do with socialization than anything ORVA could provide.  Still.  You’ve gotta love the effort!

When Mrs. Adorable asked to speak with my children because she wanted to introduce herself we were delighted!   Pebble 1, who really needs his own nickname… I will think of something….   Anyhow… Pebble 1 gets on the phone to tell her of his new movie making craze.  Lego movies.   He proceeds to name the program,  list the steps,  talk about his sets, his quest for knowledge and the hardware/software interfaces he’s using.   I think I could have exploded…  Then Pebble 2 gets on and makes a bunch of goofy jokes and just sounds like the amazing and adorable little boy he is…  Mrs. Adorable tells me, later, “I see why you keep them home, they are amazing!”

Um.. yeah?  Duh!   Which is why we won’t send them to public school/pools of piranha and live sharks!  Do you think we spent the last 10 years of our lives investing in them to have some stupid janitor wreck it all in the coat closet?  I am a little paranoid.  I have wonderful friends and family whose children are thriving and being incredible in their public schools.  There are phenomenal men and women of high integrity who seek to inspire and educate the masses.   I like my kids with me.  They like being with me and it’s all good, right?  (Put in to appease my Mr. who was very concerned that my pithy attempts at humor may appear as belittling the choices of people we care about….  We kopesetic now?  Good.)

So… Yeah.   Public school,  field trips,  immunizations and signed intent to uphold the Student Handbook.

It’s been a big few weeks.   I am  overwhelmed with change, something I don’t handle well to begin with and all the emotional BS is just, keeping me on edge.

But we are doing well.   The kitten, Zogby, is gorgeous and adorable and likes to bite.  Which gets her flicked in the head.  Because we are all about tough love.   The dog is in love with her and wants to lick her all over.  To which Pebble 2 replies… “Well, she’ll never have a dirty butt.”   Always looking on the bright side, that’s my boy.

OH!!!!! The funniest thing in A VERY LONG TIME happened the other day.

Pebble 2:  “Mom!  Smell my finger!  PBL1’s belly button stinks!”

Ok, let’s backtrack the scenario.  Sometime in the preceding 4 minutes PB2 had had the thought to A) stick his finger in his brother’s belly button  2) Smell it himself  and *) invite others to share his pain/joy.

I love my kids.

Can you tell?

  • I SO wish k12 was available here. We looked into it for the girls before, ultimately, putting them back into public school but Montana doesn’t support the k12 system. Psh. Jerks.

    So, yeah, my kids are PS kids. Can we still be imaginary friends?

    And, uh, there’s another Heidi? You KNOW I’m collecting them.

  • I would love to be your imaginary friend… Does that mean you’ll live in my closet and talk back to me in the mirror? All my other imaginary friends do that.

    Yes, there’s another Heidi. But she doesn’t blog. Only Facebook…. Although I would love it if she did. She’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. And completely unintentionally funny which makes her even that much more of a riot! Besides. She’s cool.

    I mean, what Heidi isn’t?

  • Wowza, did you breathe at all through the entire post? And if you did take a mere moment to inhale deeply, did it make an audible noise that others heard from across the room?

    LOL – Your kids sound great. My are greatER, however it’s just what come with the Delux 4’Package 😉

    Monitoring their public school, ie: being apart of the process really does help the comfort level in a caring, loving parent.
    To quote a famous muppet, “Cooperation, makes it happen, cooperation working together!”

    Keep smilin toots!

  • We need a spell check option in the reply boxes!!!!!!!

  • *THE* Heidi

    Okay, question number one:
    Why do I only ever remember to check out your blog *after* I have lengthy and lovely convos with you, wherein I already get all the goods that I later decide to read? Why, I ask??

    Question number 2:
    Where can I get a copy of “All Hail our Mocha Messiah Who Brings Us Change and Circuses”? I’m feeling an after-school cumbaya comin on…

    Question number three:
    If I promise to actually *write* in my blog, will you promise to read it? Cuz I do have one…I just don’t try real hard and always forget about it for weeks on end and the worst is that I can’t do pictures which basically makes me hate the whole gig. I even bore myself with it now…which is really pathetic because it takes a LOT to bore me.

    And last but not least, question number four:
    If someone is unintentionally funny, doesn’t that just mean you’re laughing AT them, rather than WITH them? ;~p

    Love ya!