I’m tired. My brain hurts, my spine hurts, my feet hurt and I need a pedicure.
Life as we know it must now cease. I. Need. A. Pedicure.
I wish it were that simple. I keep coming back to this little corner of the Inner-Net and I guess I am hoping for inspiration. Heh. Not happening.
I’ve felt trapped in my busy little world lately. You know where you get so self-absorbed with your circle of people, ministry, work, etc that you forget there’s a big, busy world out there?
So, I went to Big UnNamed Non-Profit Non-denominational Fellowship Gathering last night. And my son, my 10 year old son was BULLIED by a 15 year old boy insisting that my son had a crush on the 15 yo boy’s 18 year old sister. Now, I despise bullying in any form. Despise it. In any shape. What do I mean? Well, it’s that stupid stuff from tele-evangelists as they talk you into a corner and then beat you up with some ridiculous parody of scripture or the jerk with the strongest personality in the room intentionally dominating the conversation because, well, dammit, if you’ve got the loudest voice you must have the most important things to say! I am repulsed by insecure little people who think it their job to boss everyone else around and squish us all into their little boxes so we are easily defined and easily controlled. Or maybe it’s that one individual who won’t stay out of your personal space. Maybe it’s the person who makes up stories to inflate their position at the expense of yours. From kindergarten to the grave we deal with it. I get it. Human nature and all that rot. But this! This last night took the cake. My boy hasn’t really “discovered” girls yet. And an 18 year old girl might as well be a friend of his mom’s. Eww! (his words, not mine). So, now I have to deal with that. Left a message. Getting ready for the inevitable, “What? My little angel?” I don’t know these people, I have no dog in this fight (I don’t have a grudge against their son). I just think a 15 year old boy should be chastised for pushing a 10 year old boy up against a car and threatening to harm him!
But, all in good Christian love… yeah.
I’m working a lot this week. Meetings, “fellowship”, some counseling, physical therapy on my horse who threw her hip out, extra hours at the barn and, and, and.
I miss the anonymity I used to enjoy on my blog. When I could write whatever I was thinking and I didn’t have to have qualifiers and caveats in the event someone from IRL (in real life) read and misunderstood me. I suppose I could start another blog, but who do I invite over and who do I not? I am not prepared to make those choices. I suppose it’s always a challenge to “live out loud”… The Mr. wishes I kept to topical/biblical/spiritual stuff so as to encourage and exhort you all. Yawn. Hopefully the reality of faith I attempt to show does that. I’m not a scholar, a genius *although I play one on TV* or exceptionally wise. I just want to be real.
Is that the crux? I’m afraid to be real? I mean how many times does one get smacked down before you decide it’s just safer to stay on the ground and cry “bwana”. But is there courage in standing up again or stupidity? We don’t have a G-d given right to personal expression in a public forum.
Ok, that wasn’t fair. I do want to “encourage and exhort” you all. I just find it disingenuous to do so from a distance, at arms length or as some sort of spiritual voyeurism into another person’s life. I don’t particularly care for metaphorical spiritual truth. I’m a lot more into what the Truth is, how we apply it, where we go with it and perhaps why we struggle with it.
There are some big changes coming for me in the near future. There has to be. I can’t continue to live like this. I can’t. Won’t? Am unable? I don’t know. It just seems I’m stretched entirely too thin. Thin. Heh, that’s funny. Me, thin… Bwahahahaha! Sorry, I digress.
I see so many opportunities around me to encourage others. But I have to be careful to not pour myself without wisdom into bottomless receptacles or non-reciprocating relationships. Discernment. That’s what I need.
Last night, at the Place, the guy talked about getting back to the basics in the Word and remembering. Yeah. It’s all about preparation. On the firm foundation of the Word.
Was reading the 10 Commandments. Taken on their own they’re pretty simple. Basic. So, why are they so hard?
I don’t think they are. We see the clear-cut heart of G-d written for us to love Him and love the other beings He created. We can see it, we can understand the words and the general application. And we’ll spend our whole lives discussing the Why. I’m good with the discussion. Where I struggle is the folks who refuse to obey what is clear in Scripture because they want to argue over inflection, interpretation, inspiration. Do we need to know the Divine Why of “don’t lie” or can we just accept it’s a great idea, G-d asked us not to do it and while we live our whole lives seeing the wisdom in the “concept” we’ll never understand the Divine Why until we “know Him as we are known”.
Ahh. I think that’s the bottom of the pile. Blessings to you all.