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Breathing Again

March 25, 2012

You know that feeling?  When you can never catch your breath, there’s never enough time… You are always behind…

I lived there, physically, for almost 6 months.  Couldn’t catch my breath.  Couldn’t move past a casual walk.  My mind would race, my heart would pound.  I would double over in coughing fits that left me dizzy.  I think we’ve finally found answers.  The inhaler helps. A lot.

I’ve been healthy and breathing again for almost 3 weeks now.   This morning I walked the dog.  For the first time since last September.

After 20 minutes I was moving forward on noodle-y legs by sheer determination and the delight to be out in the cold, crisp, March air.  My sweet boxer, Scooby, was beside himself with ecstasy.  He could Pee. On. Everything!  We made it almost 40 minutes before I shakily but exuberantly walked back through the front door.  I felt as though I’d climbed a mountain.  I’ll sleep good tonight!

I NEED to be outdoors.  To walk alone and to think out loud.  To pray those ridiculous prayers that otherwise never make the light of day. I need to feel dirt under my shoes and see critters skitter off the trail. For a person who struggles with ADHD, just burning that little bit of energy at the beginning of the day makes all the difference in how I function the rest of the day.  For me?  The well-managed introvert I flatteringly call myself?  It’s divine.  No people…  The Mr. comes with me sometimes.  And I love that.  Mostly because he’s not people.

I am not built to live within walls and behind desks.  I can’t bear the constant interaction with other people.  Too many words.  Too many expectations.

Tomorrow morning will come early and I will be out there again.  I need it.  My brain settles when I escape technology in the mornings.

If the longest illness I’ve ever experienced has taught me anything?

Don’t take for granted the need to breathe. And the power of appropriate breathing room

 

 

  • Doom

    I certainly understand. However, I am trapped. My heart really does only pump 20% of the blood it should. I am glad to know someone figured out your problem. Being a homebody is one thing, being home bound is totally different.

    Keep it up, your noodle legs will work again, soon.

  • Ummmm, yeah, I’d say I get it. 🙂 I am glad you are feeling better. I’ve missed your beautiful face.