De ja vu`

November 21, 2007

I have dreams. Most of them are really stupid and not worth mentioning. But every once in a great while I will have a dream so tangible I walk up disoriented because I am in my own bed and not where I thought I should be.

I really should start paying more attention to those dreams. They come true.

The first one I had was of a 2 year old chubby little blond haired boy in a daddy’s t-shirt on the beach.

5 years later, my first son lived that little snippet of time in front of us in Ventura, California.

This bit of deja vu is just a routine part of my life. It usually works with me getting up and talking to my husband about the wild dream I just had. Then we forget it.

Until it comes to pass.

It used to freak me out badly but now I just consider I must be on track with what G-d wants for my life. They merely reinforce I am where I am supposed to be.

I can’t tell you what my latest vivid dream was. Rather, I won’t. Suffice it to say I didn’t think much of it until Sunday afternoon when I was walking Teddy back to his stall. As we passed the gates to the arena, I looked over at this big red gelding in his green and purple blanket and was so stunned I almost had to stop.

I dreamed this moment 2 years ago. At that point it seemed so far from reality I had to laugh when I told my husband. Because, truly, why on earth would I be taking this beautiful horse, in a premier facility and putting him away! I couldn’t imagine I would ever be in that environment. How silly.


Yet, on Sunday, as I paused for a moment with Teddy in the dim light of a closed down barn I was struck, chillingly, with the thought of how many of these dreams have come true. These moments in time.

I don’t want the last one to come true. Please, G_d. Not this one. It could be 2 years, 5 years or more. I don’t know. I know how old some of the people are and that’s enough to send me spinning. Let’s just say I’ve been doing some prioritizing and I’m not real interested in non-essentials.

I didn’t ask for this perspective, this vision, these peeks into the future. Maybe this time it was just funky pizza…

I can hope.

Can’t I?