I got up this morning to check my Facebook friends and have sat here with a broken heart for the last ten minutes. Unable to even move from the couch until I put something out here.
I have a friend, another Heidi. She is lovely, vivacious, passionate about the Lord. I adore her. She’s a Real Person. If you get my drift.
She and her husband were pastors and missionaries and street evangelists in the time that we interacted on a daily basis.
They came back from their third stint to the mission field a few years ago and re-entry was harder this time. He needed to find an “occupation” to support the five of them and she was determined to be the Good Christian Wife.
So, he headed out to pursue one thing after another. Being a minister of the Lord is a great skill but not one which finds many job openings in the Pacific Northwest outside of starting your own congregation. Something they weren’t willing to do.
Heidi’s husband has always been intense. Focused. Determined. He was the kind of man who would run 15 miles one day simply because he could and he thought it would be more interesting for his day. I think of him as driven for…something. I wasn’t ever able to really determine what.
And while they didn’t always work well together, they kept things moving. Their children were bright, happy and well-adjusted. She homeschooled and served in the women’s ministries and did all manner of outreach to her neighbors.
This despite having some severe back trauma from a missions trip in her teens where her entire spine was compressed and all her disks were wonky.
They, the both of them, were our friends. Our boys love their children and we have pictures of them on a recent trip back to our neck of the wood where we laughed and played and enjoyed each other’s company.
But then, back in October, I ran into a mutual friend…. And it seems the veneer was breaking. He was living the macho dream and Heidi had lost the ability to compensate for it.
I don’t want to uncover my friend’s struggles but I will say this… All you fella’s talking about how you need to “MAN UP” and put the little woman in her place where she just needs to suck it up and follow your God-given right to lead, damnit.”
are full of shit.
He broke her when he should have loved her. He ignored her weakness when he should have carried her. He left to “serve the Lord” and in his absence? They found they functioned better, as a family, without him.
And now, my sweet friends, with whom I have prayed and laughed. Friends that I have fed and welcomed into my home. People I KNOW! I was at the hospital for the birth of their baby girl.
These Strong Believers…
Are getting a divorce.
And it grieves me. Because it didn’t have to end up this way.
It never does.