Work In Process


February 21, 2010

I haven’t written much lately.  Here.   Oh, my myriad little unlined journals are filling up and the tiny book in my purse that holds random lists, itemized thoughts and celebrity sightings has more scribblings than usual.  But I’m not writing here.  I’m not putting the thoughts into a cogent stream.   It’s more like rivulets trickling into the main stream of my thought process and there is very little substance to share.

Some of this is me having found some friends with whom I talk through my thought process.  I know.  Amazing.   Another part is my Inner Critic has been unusually active lately and I find I have intimidated MYSELF out of believing I have anything to write of substance or relevance to anyone else.

And then there’s the underlying fact that I’ve spent the last two years walking through some harrowing personal experiences and, seriously, I don’t think anybody wants to hear me whine AGAIN about something that I thought I resolved 8 months ago…

But there are thoughts here…. Things I would like to share.  Things that G-d is patiently teaching me.  Information He’s giving that I’m trying to assimilate.  Which isn’t quite the same thing as being taught. 🙂

*  Home education…  Going well this year.   After 6 years of doing it I finally don’t feel like a complete failure every day.  I organized my curriculum cabinet.  This is helping.  I have availed myself of a good friend who is a genius (to me) about putting together really inexpensive curriculum with stellar results.   Stumbled upon the revelation that my husband and my youngest son are living life through the lens of varying degrees of dyslexia.  Trying to make sense of that and wanting to learn how to more effectively serve them and teach the boy.  Lots to say on that subject.  Most of it disjointed and confusing right now.  Lots of thoughts about socialization,  character,  consistency and being willing to be shaped into something that looks nothing like what I expected.

*  Church life…  I haven’t stepped foot inside a “church building” in just over a year.   It has been an interesting journey.  Alternately scary, exhilarating, nauseating, lonely, peaceful…  We have run the gamut.   Fellowship has come in unexpected avenues.  A bible study with friends who have become a lifeline to me of consistency and encouragement.   A weekly dinner and book study with young believers.   A phone call here or there.  I have never felt so keenly the personal responsibility I have for my own faith and the need to impart that to my children.  We are reading “The Heavenly Man” as a family.  If you ever get the chance to read this book, do it.  It won’t speak to your political/analytical minds but it will encourage your spirit.   THIS is the Messiah I want my children to recognize.  Not the watered down, judgmental, distant G-d that is so often portrayed in our Western churches.   Again… Lots of thoughts.  Lots of rabbit trails…

*  Our country is baffling me.  The political, ethical, social, moral landscape reminds me of Rome.  And not the Spartacus Rome necessarily.   We are a fat, lazy, debauched society with all of our excesses neatly tucked away in closets bursting at the seams.  We are a selfish and immature group of people looking mostly for our own success at the expense of anyone who dares to stand in our way.  A nation of “bloggers” with a lot of words and very little to say.  What is spectacular is that there are so many opinions and so few listeners.  Each wanting to do what is right in their own eyes and demanding that the rest follow suit.

* Facebook is sucking my creative mojo.  I’m convinced of it.  Status updates.  Tiny little barfs of information trickling out during the day leave me feeling as though I have nothing to put together beyond a sentence at the end of the day.  But on the other hand I have connected with 349 people that I am currently friends with,  barely know now or  knew 5, 10, 20 years ago.  I can now read about the various and sundry laundry lists of their lives.  This is what passes for “reconnecting” in the 21st century.  We have all turned into cyber-stalkers.   Ridiculous.  It could only get better by adding “Stay CUTE!!!” and “NEVAR change”  to the end of every comment. Y’know, like in HIGH SCHOOL!!!

So.  I’m not very entertaining today.   Sorry.  🙂

Well, I”m off.  We are in Vancouver, WA for the weekend with friends and breakfast should probably happen sooner than later.  The in room coffee isn’t going to cut it much longer.   I need some hole-in-the-wall diner breakfast.  And good coffee.