Thoughts

God Doesn’t Have Game

July 16, 2010

How, exactly do Christian men reconcile the life of the prophet Hosea with the prevailing attitude of this whole male alpha game thing?   Marry a prostitute. Someone you know will be unfaithful to you. Stay faithful to her even while she runs about doing icky prostitute things.  Point out the flaws.  Wait for her to repent.  Forgive her.  Love her again.

Seems like God, the only one truly able to be called “Alpha AND Omega” has terrible Game.  He should have shamed her.   He should have given her only a part of Himself.   He should treat her badly so she wants more.

I read that blog that Res mentioned.  Well, bits of it.  Ok, ok.   So he wants to boink his wife.  A lot.  *yawn*   This is not news. He’s a boy.  They like it.   They really, REALLY like it.   *crickets*

Endorphins are fun.

His information isn’t all bad.  As I have come to discover with my own husband, men like to figure things out to the exact formula and then, once they have a base line,  improve upon something, make it their own and clearly define their territory.

This is why men are the best cooks, terrific engineers, excellent writers and generally, once they find their specified field, remarkable.

Women resent being reduced to a series of equations and clearly defined moves.   Pawns on a chess board.  I’m just sayin’, dudes.  If you are attempting to implement new behavior in order to create hot pants and tingles, I do recommend not announcing it.   As the shoe company says, “Just Do It”.

She’ll notice when you aren’t a pansy.   She’ll notice when you become more attractive, when you start to care about things instead of being a passive slug.

But, what I don’t understand, is this…  And my life is not the norm so I am not anticipating much jumping on my bandwagon. Rest assured I won’t be upset if you think this is dumb.

What I don’t get is… Where do ya’ll find the time to obsess and insist on sex every day?  Where do you find the ENERGY!

By the time I’ve schooled the boys, kept the house up, made the food, worked 6+ hours at my business, engaged in Serious Situations of the family kind, done the exercise, answered the phone… I’m exhausted!   My husband works 12-16 hour days.   6 days a week.  He is too.

When it happens we have a great time.  We have to MAKE time for it.  And that means that we understand that we don’t always get what we want WHEN we want it…   And it doesn’t happen as OFTEN as we’d like.  But there’s this niggling little thing we like to call LIFE…  Of which sex is a part but not the whole.  Y’know?

FYI, this whole “be sexy to other women thing”…  Would do two things to this fairly confident and overall not average woman.

1.  Piss me off so bad that him coming home would be like taking a naked walk on the North Pole.

2.  Prompt a refusal to be close or intimate.   Something I have never refused unless ill.

If my husband were to find it exciting to be pursue being seductive to someone else, I would find it appalling and a breach of trust.   In much the same way he would if he were to observe me flirting with other men.

Which is funny because I am a terrible flirt.  I’m too direct and lack the desire to impress anyone but the guy sleeping in the other room.

But you get my drift.

Back to Hosea.   A man who represented a symbolic life, commanded by God, of redemption, restoration and repentance.  Not all necessarily in that order.

Terrible Game.  What was He thinking?

  • A couple thoughts

    Hosea was commanded to marry an prostitute. Someone who would be unfaithful to him in the same manner that the Israelites (and the church) is unfaithful to Him. Personally having played the part of Hosea, I know I’d rather do without women ever again in my life than to play that part again. It shows to me that G-d is a much bigger man than I am to be able to put up with us and not simply destroy us as is surely His right.

    Sex every day? Sometimes. But I also don’t see where people get that energy from. Of course, polygamy would make the whole household maintenance thing go smoother and everyone would have a bit more energy but thats rather frowned upon by current society.

    As for the marriedmansexlife blog, I think that it has some good info on it, but I have only read a small amount of it so my favorable opinion is not perhaps well informed. I would say tho that your statement about how we guys like to figure things out is spot on. I doubt you would care to know just how much that happens as most of us just don’t mention it.

  • AJW308

    Sometimes I just want to scream.

    I’m with Nate, I’ll hold a door open for a woman. Not all the time, but I will if she’s a generation, or more, older. Sometimes under other conditions. Mostly usually, though. Vox is right: you lose points by doing this, but me? My Game, I don’t care. That’s Game as it’s intended: Be a Man, do what’s right because it’s right, not because you care what other people will think.

    Look at Sampson: When he killed a lion with his bare hands, did he care what other people thought? NOOOOoooo!!! He didn’t tell anyone because he didn’t care what they’d think. He had Game, Godly Manhood Game as it is intended. Not was, but is.

    And what later happened to Sampson because he kept quiet about the dead lion? He benefited.

    Some time ago, Bane posted a pic of a hot chick, not a woman or a lady, just a hot chick with a comment similar to “Look at how insecure she is, I could so have her mine, if I wanted.” He understood the mechanics of Game, but did he use them?

    My thoughts on the pic were “Yea, it would be easy, but then what?” Just use her an dump her? BAH

    In my younger years there were a couple of times the young lady/girl I was hot on would break down, crying, cause “she wasn’t good enough for me.” BLAH BLah Blah blah and I’d tell her that wasn’t important and that I really liked her, or something like that. Then O’Victory was secured, the likely prospect of sex appeared, almost guaranteed.

    So there I was, faced with the pending opportunity to do something I really really wanted to do, but it would leave a girl feeling lousy and cheap about herself, or if I didn’t care enough about her to leave her feeling lousy and cheap, what was I doing with her?

    Without screwing, I was screwed, but I figured she was just odd. 2, then 3 women, same scenario, I saw a pattern.

    It was damn lonely sitting on top of that white horse.

    My ADD is kicking in (I know I’m borrowing a Baneism) but here’s a pet theory I have on why women like the bad boys: Deep down most women have an ingrained belief that sex is bad. Being human, they want sex, good sex and how can a good guy be good at a bad thing? He can’t, you need a bad guy to be good at a bad thing: thus women turn to bad guys for sex, or the relationship that secures it, without understanding why.

    When this paradigm is rocked, when a good/nice guy exceeds sexual expectations,1 of 2 things, if not both of them will be said by her. Again, as the sample size grown, a definite pattern will be evident suggesting that women, at certain levels, are very simple and all the same.

    So where am I going with this? I’m not sure if it can be summed up, because I’m not there yet, but I know the direction I’m headed:
    * There are Biblical examples for having Game and there are Biblical examples for not having Game – Me, I’d rather be out slaying lions than married to a hooker.
    * I still miss Bane *(does it show?).
    * I’m in a good place, married to a good woman. My white horse is well cared for, my armor is oiled and nicely displayed just to the left of my WWII weapons collection. What my wife calls ‘my dark side’ no longer concerns her though she’s not fully comfortable with it.
    * I look at my son. White Knight or living in the world? What do I teach him? There are benefits to each, but I step back and I know that those are really two worldly venues as immiscible as oil and water. I’m shooting for the meniscus that separates them, neither oil nor water, neither White Knight nor Playah, but the best of each.

    I really want to slay a lion with my bare hands, not that I’d tell.

  • Giraffe

    A man I know had a dog that was in heat. He figured he should lock it up in the garage, to prevent a hookup. We got a blizzard. He happened to notice a wet shivering dog outside in the horrible snowstorm scratching at the garage door. He decided that any dog willing to go through that had earned it, so he opened the door. True story as far as I know.

    Some men are like that dog.

    Sex every day is a little unusual. Two or three times a week would be more like it. Every guy is different.

    As for that blog. I don’t really feel comfortable trying to manipulate my wife to get what I want/need. Of course, beating her is not in vogue anymore either. It is possible in today’s screwed up world that she doesn’t think she has any duty here.

    A Godly wife should know what her husband needs and make it happen for him. Within reason. A Christian husband really has little earthly recourse if she decides not to.

  • Oh, I want to have the time to give you guys the thoughtful and careful response that you deserve. The more I hear about “game” the more gray it becomes in my mind.

    It’s kinda like cooking. Depending on the ingredients, quantities, etc you could have a cake or you can have paste.

    However…

    My point is that Hosea and his wife were a representation of God’s love for Israel, His faithfulness while she prostituted herself before other gods, etc. It’s not fun. I would rather slay lions with my bare hands than be married to a willfully unfaithful spouse, AJW. 🙂

    I was just wondering what the perspective was based on the text from Scripture. You are right, there are many other examples of godly men. But Hosea was specifically asked to do something as an “in the flesh” reflection of God, as a husband, to His chosen. Samson, wasn’t. Not in that sense. Neither was David or any of the other Biblical forefathers. As far as I know, Hosea was the only one asked to behave as God would/did toward His undeserving, unfaithful and immoral woman.

    As for “White Knightism”… Is it really terrible to open a door for a girl? I don’t expect it, I always look the gentleman in the eyes and thank him before walking away. I don’t think it makes him less attractive. If anything he’ll blip on the radar for a second.

    Giraffe: A Godly wife should know what her husband needs and make it happen for him. Within reason. A Christian husband really has little earthly recourse if she decides not to.

    A Christian husband should also be keenly aware of his wife’s needs and do what he can for her. Not as a tit for tat, but as the nature of love is revealed.

    Read what I said. Needs. Not wants. Just because many women are too silly to know the difference doesn’t mean that the leader of her home shouldn’t behave wisely on her behalf.

  • Giraffe

    A Christian husband should also be keenly aware of his wife’s needs and do what he can for her. Not as a tit for tat, but as the nature of love is revealed.

    Read what I said. Needs. Not wants. Just because many women are too silly to know the difference doesn’t mean that the leader of her home shouldn’t behave wisely on her behalf.

    Not sure where we disagree. That is why he has no recourse. He can’t fail to fulfill his own obligations due to her failure to fulfill hers.

    Perhaps the difference is that you classify sex as a ‘want’ and not a ‘need’. Perhaps that is so, but it is a very important want.

  • If that came across as argumentative, I’m sorry. I had 3 hours of sleep last night, the septic backed up, I screwed up the cinnamon rolls. Twice. And it’s 95 degrees and I only have a small window AC. 🙂

    I don’t believe we disagree I was merely expounding further in a direction that seemed important to me.

    I don’t know that that helps. It’s the best I’ve got right now.

  • John Quincy Public

    Heidi: Spot on. And yeh, we get the energy for cooking the same place we get energy for sex. You call it obsession, I call it dedication. Yeh, dedication, that’s it.

    AJW: Common courtesy ain’t White Knighting. And manning up ain’t Game; it’s manning up. And if he heard you tearing up about him, Bane would … well I hardly think it proper to use that color here.

    Giraffe: You know why we don’t let people lead if they’re susceptible to black mail, extortion, or other levers of influence? Because they’re tools; not leaders. And you ain’t a dog unless you want to be.

  • AJW, btw… My Game, I don’t care. That’s Game as it’s intended: Be a Man, do what’s right because it’s right, not because you care what other people will think.

    That’s hot. 🙂

  • JQP, I understand there are levels of importance. And that those levels vary depending on the individual.

    Fine.

    Ya’ll have driven me to this exposition of a personal truth. In my house…. My *ahem* needs, are greater than his. He’s pretty mellow. Of course, he’s never had to beg for it, never had to connive or wheedle. In fact… He’s had to watch his p’s & q’s so as not to lead me on! Mis-matched libido. I can empathize with the men who feel ignored. We’ve been there. We’re much better now than we used to be. But we’ve got some pretty clear parameters as well.

    Sex is not a need. It’s just not. If it were an absolute necessity for a man, then the removal of testicles would result in death in much the same way that the removal of my ovaries would cause me to shrivel up and die. The removal of food, air or water would cause death. Those are physical needs.

    Is sex REALLY important to a healthy, functioning relationship? HUGE duh factor.

    But doesn’t Paul encourage us to master our bodies, our urges, our drives so that we control what we do and are not controlled by those very things? Is having sex more important than caring for your wife? What if she’s on touch overload from having little one’s who Never. Stop. Touching. Her. What if your insistence on rigorous and vigorous sex causes her to begin to feel, well, used.

    There are beautiful Christian women I know, dear friends, who have, in tears, confessed that they are so exhausted from being Mom that when their husband demands sex, while they will go along with it, they have begun to shut down inside. It’s as though they are never able to come up for air. But the pressure to perform, to keep their man happy, or else, is too great for them.

    So, they keep going through the motions…

  • Doom

    I haven’t quite been able to follow, busy today, sort of. I just wanted to say… God had to intend for man to have Game. Maybe not the Game you are thinking, or the results you are thinking, but…

    God gave man to be the head of the household, correct? And, He gave woman to be his helper and mate, not as a slave. Right? And, he gave women a discerning mind, which would by necessity vary from man’s mind. True? How do you suspect He intended man to be the head of a household and father children without using every talent at his disposal? More so in these times (perhaps)?

    Or, even, how did He intend to develop children who really love Him? He created a maze we all have to work through. He might call, but we have to figure out where the voice is coming from and how to get there. Game is no different, though much lower on the complexity scale. It is not a trick, though. It is merely how man calls woman to his side more surely. I don’t like the “academic” nature of it, nor believe what is offered is absolutely correct, but I think used honorably it is… good.

  • Giraffe

    Heidi, while it is not uncommon for the wife to have a higher drive, I think it is less common than the other way around. As you have probably guessed I am in the opposite situation.

    I’ll admit. Sex is not a need. I won’t die with out it. I cannot stress how important it is, though. Part of the problem is men are different from women and neither sees the other side very well.

    Men understand when you can’t. It is when you can, and wont, that hurts. We don’t understand too tired, or touched too much. I’ve never been that tired.

    Is having sex more important than caring for your wife? What if she’s on touch overload from having little one’s who Never. Stop. Touching. Her. What if your insistence on rigorous and vigorous sex causes her to begin to feel, well, used.

    Is getting some sleep more important than caring for your husband? What if he had a bad day at work and is looking forward to some intimate time with the one person in the world who always has his back? And what if getting up and going to a job he hates to earn money to provide for his family, and then finding out what he wants** doesn’t matter causes him to feel used?

    I understand that I am to master this. I don’t think I’m doing too bad on that score.

    I realize none of this applies to you Heidi. You are not normal, and I mean that in the way that the normal women have a lot to learn from you.

    My only point is that sex is more important to men than women realize. I am not defending game. My version: I am the head of the household and will be respected as such.

    **No he doesn’t need it, but he really wants it.

  • John Quincy Public

    Giraffe, conversely is depriving your wife of sleep — and earning her the physical ailments that accrue to a failure to get rest — less important then sex? I assure you that men will come to no physical harm if they keep it in their pants.

  • Giraffe

    JQP, we can do this all day.

    I think the best way is to be sensitive to the other persons needs and weigh them honestly against our own.

    Assume a man is smart enough to know the difference between “can’t” and “won’t”.

    I know the universe doesn’t revolve around my penis. Doubtless, there is some gravitational effect…

  • John Quincy Public

    Giraffe: Exactly. Being sensitive to the other persons needs is called empathy. Game goes the other direction from that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check the current, uh… escape velocity.