My lips brushed against downy hair, fresh lavender wafted from soft, clean, warm bodies while little eyes squeezed shut in laughter at the sound of my voice.
We loved together and grew together. These happy, brilliant years of growing, learning, deepening faith, drawing us so close before releasing us into… Tomorrow?
Long arms reach down from 6’1” and from 5’11” to squeeze me. Deep voices spar and do that man dance of banter and posturing women find so confusing.
Kisses on my curly head are rough and stubble grazes my forehead with the always welcome, “Love you, mom” as it rains down on me.
The smell of CK and aftershave comes in waves.
Oh, how we laugh… It is good.
It is summer and school has subsided to a dull roar while we sit at a crossroads of whispered dreams uttered around bonfires, as they slowly become glimmers of reality. The possibility of change hurts and yet shines like a beacon of hope at the same time.
And I am undone.
But God has a call that cannot be denied, a vision for those who have cried out to Him. His trumpets are sounding and I can’t ignore the need for a personal revolution. Time to put away the questions and take up the few answers that have become clarion and filled with purpose.
Because, I don’t want to miss this ride. I don’t want to hold back my treasures from living fully before a perfect Father.
Now is the day to seize with both hands, refusing to let go of this living together until the time has come to let go, to run with heart and hands wide open.
Before it all changes.
Transition is hard for most of us. The consistency of marriages that stay strong regardless of our failures, families that don’t fall apart while we white knuckle to our pride, and barely tended friendships that stand the test of time instead of crumbling under the slightest pressure of living beckon us from distant fences.
It’s hard to move gracefully in the midst of change and not fight it, beating our fists against the chest of God while demanding answers that won’t rock our little boats.
Can I be still while the storm rages or the quietness of morning and the sweetness of nursing babies lulls me into believing every day will be like this? Just like this.
Where can we find peace within the changes that life throws at us?
Firmly in the center of the heart of the One who has redeemed us.
Be strong with me, my friend, and of great courage. For such a time as this you have been called, created, and refined. It is no mistake that you have been placed where you live.
Be at peace, all you who are anxious and overwhelmed.
You will rise up and fly. Your children will be kept by a mighty God.
We have been redeemed and we belong to Him, the Creator of the Universe who is without deception and from whose hands all good and perfect gifts come. We have been lifted out of our weakness onto His shoulders, broad and capable. His hands, gentle and kind, will wipe our tears and carry for us the burdens we have lugged for so long.