The wind whispering through tall cottonwoods and rattling the few leaves left in the tops. The smell of a wood fire drifts across the crystal blue sky and taints clear October air.
Fall in Montana. Harvest parties, bobbing for apples, pick up football games, the smell of diesel as the Kramer’s harvested whatever it was they had planted in the acreage next door.
Mom always bought bags of those Halloween candies “just in case”. And while our nearest neighbor was my widowed aunt and a couple whose children had grown up and moved away it was always amazing how quickly those candies disappeared. Without a single trick or treater.
October was crisp weather with frosty mornings and warm afternoons, brilliant colors and settling into the routine of school, music/theater practice, football games and all the other stuff that constituted normalcy.
We didn’t celebrate Hallowe’en and so costumes, pumpkins and huge lots of candy weren’t part of my reality. Hayrides at the Olsen’s… Trying to impress Trevor, couldn’t compete with Tamara, why did that college friend of Erica’s have to be SOOO close all the time! And what was with the wandering hands!!! Dude! Seriously!
Sometimes I have to try to remember that not all of my childhood memories are of time spent alone and misunderstood. Sometimes I simply can’t afford to feed the angst.
It’s goofy. I don’t feel much different than I did then. I’m surprised when I see the crow’s feet and silver “sparkles” in my hair. I have to remind myself to be “mom” a lot. I just have the coolest kids and we have such a good time hanging out I forget somebody needs to be in charge.
Where was I going with this?
Memories. I’m trying to make new ones. Good ones. Memories that focus around the constants in my life. The Mr. and the boys.
We’re working on that. Went to a “pumpkin party” tonight. And because, for the first time in their lives, I wasn’t in charge of anything, I had the time to paint faces, take pictures and enjoy them enjoying themselves at the party.
I have been such a fool.