I don’t want to claim responsibility for my actions the last couple of days. It’s really not my fault. See, the DAMN JOONIPER bloomed and I got a little crazy! But, first things first, Bruno died. On Sunday night.
Bruno was the beta fish we bought at Wal-mart last summer and have enjoyed his flipply little fins and aggressive nature for the last months. Apparently, too much water conditioning stuff will cause the demise of said fish. At the same moment we recognized his demise, the Jewish Soul radio playing from my iPod docking station blasted out a a lovely and poignant rendition of the Kol Nidre, a traditional song sung at Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. A song to sing of the release from vows made in the previous year… All on a soprano sax. Touching. And more than a little funny. To us. What can I say? We look for the bright side.
Then… I slept for 12 hours. Which should have been a warning to me, but no… I still didn’t take the Claritin. When I got up at 10:30 Monday morning and still felt groggy I might have considered it. But no. It was 34 FREAKING degrees outside and the wind was gale force through the trees outside my bedroom window. I felt as though my head was only loosely connected to my shoulders and then only by chance. The slightest strong movement could have sent my cranium hurtling up into the stratosphere. Where my brain normally lodges was only fluff and nonsense. So, at 12:30 I decided I could no longer maintain my vertical status and promptly slept for 2 hours on the purple couch. Purple… Well, really more of a lovely chenille eggplant with needlepoint pillows at the corners. And I slept HARD!
The rest of the day passed in something of a blur. I found a great book which I read 15 chapters of and will have to start over tomorrow as I cannot remember more than a few words. Apparently the only thing I’m retaining lately is water. In bed at 11, up at 8.
This morning I got up determined to Start Life As Normal! I cleaned out my closet and sent three large garbage bags of clothing, shoes and purses to the Goodwill. I thought that might make some bit of a difference in the chaos which is my Inner Sanctum. Now I’m only reminded that while I do really love the bronze, silky shirt with the shiny buttons, do I really have anywhere to wear it? And those BOOTS! Burgundy alligator with 4″ spikes? Yes, they went away. There is an age and weight limit to boots like that and I have exceeded both.
THen the boys went to a playdate for a few hours and I slept for another hour and a half. At this point I’m certain it’s the DAMN JOONIPER and I am hating that I took 2, YES T.W.O Claritin and it didn’t touch the fog in my brain.
So, I did what any normal person would do in my situation.
I balanced two checking accounts and paid some bills.
Which promptly sent a panic. I paid from the wrong accounts and on the wrong days. And the lovely young lady from Unicel could not help me although she felt very sorry for me. Truly. Although I would pay good money to have seen her face as she tried not to giggle. I could hear it in her voice. I really could.
So I wander off to the Financial Institution I frequent. Made my deposit. Forgot to get cash back. Went to the ATM where I couldn’t use the window on my truck because well, the window is defunct, kaput, broken. So, I carefully pull forward, open my door WIDE open and put the car in REVERSE! which promptly pushes, with some extreme prejudice, the ATM unit a bit… And now my door doesn’t close properly… And the ATM doesn’t work.
Am I really liable for it? The girl at the bank doesn’t think so. I barely hit it! More pushed it. The Mr. accused me of a “hit and run” on an ATM and gave all sorts of dire insurance consequences to my irresponsible behavior.
So I yelled. And when my oldest son offered to pray for me? I mumbled….
So… Now I’m home. I’m sitting quite still at my computer and waiting for my Lean Cuisine sandwich to come out of the microwave. I will do dishes, avoid the phone and try not to make any decisions whatsoever for the next couple of days.
And really? It’s not my fault. It’s the Pollen Demon! That DAMN JOONIPER!