Shakespeare I’m Not

September 1, 2008

But seriously?

A blogger is not a writer.   Someone who writes is not technically a “writer”.  Although grammatically, that is the barest minimum required to fit the description.

I was challenged in my thinking this weekend and thought I would share a few thoughts.

1.  I write because i want to.  I write because I can and I write here because it tickles my fancy to do so.  I don’t write because you, my beloved reader,  read here.   Your interaction is often enjoyable but not necessary.

2.  I don’t write to interest you.  I write to interest me.  Sue me. It’s my house, it’s my  party.  It’s my blog.  Yes, it is all about me.

3.  I am not emotionally distraught if you disagree with me or don’t comment or don’t visit, or send me hate mail with pictures of dead kittens.  Not that anyone has done that last little bit, but for future reference I will track your sorry ass and send that nasty email to your local PD if you dare.  .  For the love of all that’s holy,  whatever you do Please Do Not Be A Sycophant! *look it up*

4.  I don’t prefer to use excessive foul language, post naughty pictures or talk, graphically, about sex.  Much.  Mostly because I think it’s vulgar and disrespects the brain G-d gave me,  the reputation I try to protect as being a thoughtful, reasonably intelligent human being and frankly since I only have sex with one person and he’s not real excited about me sharing his, ahem, performance with ANYONE… There’s no reason to do so!   There are those who wax long and eloquent about their experience and well, hey!  Glad you had a good time!   It’s not somewhere I need to go.   All I will say is that we are extremely well-suited and after 14 years?  Absolutely delighted that we have each other.   Caveat:  Most men using foul language are a different animal.  Call me a hypocrite.  Whatever.  Mr. Bane is, well, vitriolic and um, graphic.  He is, however, Bane. He will offend you, shock you, entertain you and make you cry.  Probably in the same day.  In his case?  All bets are off.   You just sit back and enjoy the ride.  But underneath it all?  In my experience, he is one of the most honest voices on the internet…  That there world wide web.  Besides, men are supposed to sound strong, be strong and exude testosterone.  A mere, oh my! isn’t going to convey that is it?

5.  I don’t pretend to be a professional writer, I don’t pretend to be interesting, insightful, witty or charming. Any evidence that those things have happened is sheer coincidence, blessing, serendipity?  I want to give as much thoughtful and reasonably intelligent content as I can.  I think sometimes I deliver  But I rarely even edit or spell-check.

6.  Ultimately it’s a gift to me that anyone comes by and reads here.  I don’t believe I am entitled to it and I certainly don’t expect anything from anyone who comments here but the bare minimum of human decency.

7. I don’t blog to make friends.  I have friends in Real Life and I enjoy them.  You, my cyber-buddy, are a part of my life but I honestly think very little about you when not on my computer.  I’m sorry if you find that hurtful.  I prefer people I can see to pixels and pica.  Besides,  as nice as you all seem, how do I really know you aren’t some bald guy in his mother’s basement, eh?  Yeah… Prove it!

See, I have seen some of what’s out there recently and OH MY GOODNESS!!!! what a bunch of brainless drivel!   Especially, ladies, from those of us, the fairer sex who, for Pete’s sake, actually think they are going to get oodles and bunches and gobs and tons of traffic and comments from the most inane, tedious, mundane thoughts you could ever imagine.

One little spark of brilliance came from a woman who shall remain nameless on the off chance that you would burn brain cells by experiencing her blog.

She blogged about Costco… Complete with copious additions of the euphemistic and *giggle nudge* WTF at the end of each sentence.   Now… I ask you… Is there a market for Costco bashing?  Of course there is.   But this lovely woman, through her nonstop use of foul language sounded like a cheap whore, not an intelligent individual.

And that was only one of her posts.  Thighs?  She posted about her thighs. With a random, amateur photograph….  And it wasn’t even good!

Pictures of children,  lengthy descriptions of flu-symptoms…  Too many adjectives, not enough content.

See, I’ve been spoiled here.  Sparrow, Birdie, Jen at Diary of 1, are thoughtful, intelligent, coherent women who are fun, interesting, a little bit sassy sometimes and yet I don’t ever feel as though they have compromised their integrity by anything they have written.   When I read of their families and friends I see good, I see struggles, I see faith.   I don’t see “honesty” being used as a thin guise for bashing everyone around them.  WW talks about that porn-star quality sex life she experiences with her Seamus but truly?  Somehow, again there’s the exception to the rule.  She cracks me up.  After the life she’s lived I am just so thrilled for her happiness.

*sigh* And don’t even get me started on the “christian” women talking about their “crushes”…  The sexy Bag Boy.   Gag.  How would that little precious feel if her husband were writing about that hot piece of ass at work?  Geese and ganders…

I know. I’m ranting.  But it’s these silly and ridiculous women who give the rest of us girls on the internet a bad name!

It would be really cool to someday write lovely, brilliant and well-formed thoughts that bring oodles of cash to my little checking account.  Yes, I would enjoy the satisfaction of “writing” or “expressing myself” for a living.

But I don’t do that here.  I don’t do that anywhere.  Not in a box, not with a fox.   Not on a hill, not with Jill…

Seriously, this is just a blog.  You have “just a blog”.   Why the hell does everyone have to take it all so seriously???!!!

  • Well said, Heidi. Especially the part about me! 😉

    I am glad you do write. You write very well, and you are a pleasure to read, even when it’s difficult stuff. Blessings on you, blog sister!

  • Anonymous

    LOL – I’m all profane in my last blog post, near dead experience… you probably wanna avoid that area of the woods 😉


  • Contextual, my friend. That was completely contextual. Not anything like consensual, it only sounds similar!!! 🙂

    There’s a line in iRobot that I love. Will Smith is talking to Shia LeBouf who’s character swears badly all the time…

    “Dude, don’t swear. You aren’t any good at it.”

    Some people understand the occasional expletive. Most women don’t.

  • Spacebunny

    Bane is definitely Bane and the rules such as they are don’t apply. I read three female bloggers regularly – you, Sparrow and LL mostly for the reasons you mention, but honestly I don’t read that many blogs, not enough hours in the day and that sort of thing.

    Now I do have a question though since you brought it up. If you write for yourself, why not a diary, why online? It’s something you come across a lot on the internet the “I blog/write for myself” that’s great, but wouldn’t a diary work then? I don’t really care one way or the other, just vaguely curious. I joke that the hubby blogs for my sanity because before blogs were around what he blogs about tended to be our conversations, not always a bad thing, not always a good thing.

  • I hear you. I was talking with a new friend this weekend and she was sharing about several friends of hers who are “mommy bloggers” pretending to be “real writers”. I wandered around to their blogs and left with sharp shooting pain over my left eye and an insatiable desire to blog about how dumb most of this is!!!

    To answer your question: I do have journals/diaries and other stuff. Believe it or not the stuff that gets put up here is the stuff I am comfortable sharing in public. The stuff I’m not comfy with? Doesn’t show up here. Being a fairly open person, I know it looks like I barf everything…

    Originally I started writing online because I had a lot of opinions I was interested in developing from thought to reality, I tend to process externally and I like to write. I decided to conduct an experiment. Could I write well enough for a long enough period of time to 1) engage and invite a reader to dialog and 2) maintain somewhat interesting content for longer than an occasional Big Idea? 3) Could I formulate coherent and cogent thoughts in such a manner as to solidify my own core beliefs?

    I think I marginally succeed on two if not all of those levels but frankly? I got in the habit of putting my thoughts here and, every once in awhile, one of the readers here challenges me and I always appreciate that. I enjoy the blogging circles I run in and feel blessed to have a lot of folks around me that “break the mold” in regards to standard internet drivel. It’s become a part of my life and I am too lazy to change it at this juncture. 🙂

    I think that answers your question?

    And I completely hear you about the husband conversations. I wish mine blogged!!!! 😀

  • Spacebunny

    I knew I would get a thoughtful answer from you! I understand your reasoning, like I said I was just vaguely curious. Of course for you much of what you put out here leaves it open for discussion which is not true of so many of the blogs I have passed by (mommy bloggers for example). I think for some who read those blogs it is a type of soap opera/reality show if you will.

  • Hedi,

    I have got to say that your blog is the only blog written by a woman I read on a regular basis other than Birdie’s and she is my wife, the funny thing is that the two of you are quite alike mainly because you are both ladies. You often have very insightful things to say especially about the Hebrew roots of our faith. I do have to agree that for the most part blogs written by women are drivel.

    I started blogging partially because I have a hard time expressing myself verbally and it helps me bring my thoughts into clarity. There are times that i wish we lived near y’all just so I could listen to some of the stuff your husband might say. From the things you have posted in the past he seems to be a man well grounded in his faith. I am sure he would have an interesting blog if he were so inclined.

  • Heidi, I’ve always enjoyed your blog because you seem so real (although you could be some weirdo living in his mother’s basement, too). Personally, I blog because a) Eaglewood thought it was a great idea b) It gives me someplace to sort out my thoughts that doesn’t drive everyone around me crazy and c) It lets me stay in touch with certain members of my family who stop by to read but never comment and seldom call. This week I’m having the fun of more frequent spelling and grammatical errors due to my huge splint thing getting in the way. Bah humbug. I have no idea what excuse I will use once I get this thing off, though. 😉 Eaglewood doesn’t have an excuse. I just forgive his mistakes because he’s cute and fluffy and hangs around with me a bunch.