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Sleeping with Betty

September 29, 2007

The Mr. is gone. Until late tomorrow night and I’m refusing to sleep alone. So, I’ll snuggle up to one of his sweatshirts, his pillow and my little 9mm, Betty. I’d take Scooby to bed too but he’s busy hogging the bottom bunk and growling at noises outside the boys room window.

That’s his job and taking Betty to bed is mine.

Not that I’ll sleep. I don’t when he’s not home. Well, that’s not entirely true. I succumb to exhaustion around 4am and wake up when the boys do around 7:30.

It’s not a security thing, really. It’s just we have spent so little time apart it’s hard for me to settle without him. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

In thirteen years we’ve spent ten nights apart? Maybe? The longest we’ve gone without communicating somehow, since we met, is 48 hours.

Last Monday we celebrated our thirteenth anniversary. It was quiet, uneventful and sweet. No big romantic dinner (although the ribeye was fantastic, Gwen). No extravagant gifts, no big fancy cards or chocolate. We didn’t need it this year. We’ll get away some time in November I think. That’s the plan.

I was talking the other day about an individual in my life who flatters me ad nauseum and the Mr. was getting a bit jealous. He’s rarely demonstrative that way and well, I enjoy it when I see him get possessive.

I looked over at him, sprawled on the couch in sweats, a sweatshirt and a baseball cap, unshaven and wearing his slippers and my heart skipped a few beats. Why?

On his worst days he is the most extraordinary man I have ever known. Good or bad days he loves me. Not always in the ways I want but always in the ways I need. He practically reads my mind and even now, after almost 14 years of life, children and all the hell that can go along with it can stop me dead in my tracks with the lightest touch on my face.

I don’t know who’s around me, the place fades and I have forgotten entire thought processes and completely embarrassed myself in public places because of this. Recently.

To say I adore him is mild. He is as necessary to me as food and water and would throw things at me for saying so. Life as I know it is so intrinsically wrapped around him and us I would be lost without him.

I am a fairly strong person with an often overbearing personality, I’m quick witted and sharp tongued and yet, he completely overwhelms me. Without trying to do so. I would do anything to please him. Anything. I’ve known this and I think he’s known it too from when our relationship became serious, all that time ago. Do you know what makes me trust him the most?

He knows what he could ask of me but he’s never demanded or abused the power he could easily hold over me.

He is who he is because of how he allows G-d to shape him. I am who I am because of how he has loved me, forgiven me and restored me.

There isn’t anyone alive who can compete with that.

I am blessed.

How unfortunate that after writing all that, I still have to go sleep with Betty. 😉