January 31, 2008

Have you ever looked in a mirror and wondered who the hell that is?   I mean,  what are those?  Crows feet?  And I am NOT even going to discuss having back pain while drying my hair.

Have you ever felt so busy you can scarcely breathe?  Are you aware that you have somewhere mislaid the very fabric of who you are while busily endeavoring to hold on to the reality of where you are?

What keeps me in touch with the 30-something in the mirror?

Time alone.   Without phones,  voices,  computers and sound.   Time to make sure the books are lined up according to size and content.  Time to finish that chord progression I’ve been humming for a week.   Time to write an “ode to a leaf” should the thought strike me.

Without this time?  I can easily turn into nothing more than a series of check marks on a completed To Do List.   An automaton who sees no value in why only in accomplishment and completion.

And when I see her looking back at me?

It is like talking to a stranger.

  • And yet there is always so much to do, and no time to do it. For me, it sometimes comes down to having to prioritize what matters. Going thru one of those stages right now.

    Sometimes I think it would be nice to win the lottery JUST to get those 8-10 hours back that work takes away from me…

  • The scary part is that a lot of people are afraid to spend that time alone out of fear they might not like who they discover themselves to be.

    Oh, and I recently experienced that “difficulty breathing” thing. Made me wondered how I could ever have gotten so busy.

  • Knightshadow

    I can soooo relate.

  • Yep.

  • You complete your to do lists?

  • Mike, in Oregon.

    In a word, yes…….
    This plagues me at times. I feel like life is passing so fast at times that I can’t apprehend it. I wish I didn’t have to sleep.

    I can’t believe it’s been almost five years since we moved to Central Oregon. At times, I still feel like an outsider.

    For myself, I have to remember that I’m just along for the ride. These are God’s times. It’s a part of His plan, and I’m only here to respond to His call. But, no wonder Jesus sought time alone.

    Good post Heidi. Nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks on these things. Shalom.

  • momma dragon

    i have often looked in the mirror and wondered who I am – having lost myself in ‘what I do’ and the needs of those around me. I hesitate to stop long enough to look inside, not that I don’t like who I am, it just feels selfish somehow. I hear people say you should take time for yourself – then you will be able to give more. I give and give and when I am spent I find that I gain my strength back -not from taking time for myself, but by giving my time to spend it with God.

    I come very quickly to the end of myself when it is all about me and myself, but when I focus on Him and see myself through His eyes I am renewed and can go on being the person He shaped me to be.

    Self evaluation is good when it is about moving forward and making the necessary changes to ‘become the moon that reflects the light of the Son’. Otherwise it can be a trap for negative thoughts based on how we see ourselves. We see the flaws and imperfections of the outside, not the true beauty of the character and passionate individual inside.

    the body will age, but the spirit inside should be growing ever more beautiful day by day. As we shed the things that weigh us down we free ourselves so that one day we will fly away from this temporary place to the eternal one where only the inside matters.


  • Friends…

    but when I focus on Him and see myself through His eyes I am renewed and can go on being the person He shaped me to be.

    That’s my big sister talking and she’s right.

    Thanks for the encouragement. I needed to hear that. So it’s time spent WITH G-d not time ALONE that changes me and enables me to carry on.

    Should I put that on my To Do list? Just kidding. Sort of. Not really…

  • Mike, in Oregon.

    lol. yes heidi, put it on your list……………..


  • Didn’t mean to be rude.

    Hi Mike and welcome to my little corner of the World Wide Web.

    Blessings! Hope to have you as part of the ongoing conversation! 🙂

  • no offense taken, thanks for the welcome.