Funny

What Drives Men Wild

July 22, 2008

Since ELLE/Mademoiselle/Vogue and all the other women’s porn and covetous catalogs magazines are touting the sex tips of over 30,000 men I thought I would throw in my observations.

I’m not wildly experienced or worldly in this arena, but there are a few things about “driving a man wild” I’ve learned in the life I have led.

For a woman to be wildly irresistible to her man she must be the following four things:

1. Available

2. Interested

3. Excited

4. Naked

There you have it. The definitive thesis on what men really want. Written by a woman, to other women. Guys, whaddya think? Am I even close?

  • Morris

    Close? You hit the bullseye! 🙂

  • Morris

    Close? You hit the bullseye! 🙂

  • You forgot the beer and food! 😉

  • Yep, Like Morris said, Bullseye!

  • The catch is in the phrase “her man.” My bar is set pretty high, but if she can ever legitimately call me “her man” then your list is spot on.

    Well…Billiam is right too. Beer and food don’t hurt.

  • Anonymous

    LOL I’m not even a man and I think you’ve nailed… hehe, that right on the… head.

    *smirkingly* WW

  • The picture on this page says it all.

  • The picture on this page says it all.

  • The list is too long. 2 and 3 are close enough we can combine them.

    So you can have

    1. Available
    2. Excited/interested

    This combination will drive a man wild.

    3. Naked

    This condition works too and follows naturally from 1 and 2. However, a man will be driven wild with condition 3 alone.

  • Giraffe beat me to the punch.
    Yup, most guys only need #4.

  • Giraffe beat me to the punch.
    Yup, most guys only need #4.

  • Big Cat

    Pretty much, yep.

  • Big Cat

    Pretty much, yep.

  • heidi

    Heh, to those who say she only has to be naked…

    IF she’s naked but unavailable… You are pooched.

    If she’s naked, available but not interested… You are pooched.

    If she’s naked, available, interested but not “excited”… You’ve got work to do.

    IF she’s naked, available, interested and “excited”… You may want to farm the kids out for the night. 😉

    I’m just sayin’… Not all are necessary for a good time but for a “wild” time?

    I think so!

  • IF she’s naked but unavailable… You are pooched.
    But probably still driven wild.
    If she’s naked, available but not interested… You are pooched.
    And she’d be guilty of a felony if I was king.
    If she’s naked, available, interested but not “excited”… You’ve got work to do.
    A man’s work is never done.
    IF she’s naked, available, interested and “excited”… You may want to farm the kids out for the night.
    She’d better do it ahead of time. A man will usually forget he has any kids at this point.

  • IF she’s naked but unavailable… You are pooched.
    But probably still driven wild.
    If she’s naked, available but not interested… You are pooched.
    And she’d be guilty of a felony if I was king.
    If she’s naked, available, interested but not “excited”… You’ve got work to do.
    A man’s work is never done.
    IF she’s naked, available, interested and “excited”… You may want to farm the kids out for the night.
    She’d better do it ahead of time. A man will usually forget he has any kids at this point.

  • Spacebunny

    From what my guy friends tell me and from the response here it looks like a pretty comprehensive list. The only other word that has been used by my friends is enthusiastic, but that could possibly be considered 2 and 3 combined.

  • heidi

    🙂 I will give it to you that a man’s work is never done, Giraffe. A woman’s work isn’t either.

    Yes, SB, we must be “enthusiastic”. Although I’m sure many guys would be willing to settle for only available and naked… 🙂

    And Giraffe… Guilty of a felony? We laughed out loud over here.

  • Anonymous

    Or just naked 🙂

    WW

  • That kind of cruelty can’t go unpunished.

  • Doom

    Perfect, and you wrote it quickly enough that I did not fall asleep reading it. Life is simple, men are more so.

  • Doom

    Perfect, and you wrote it quickly enough that I did not fall asleep reading it. Life is simple, men are more so.