Is there a Right Answer?
Rick and Jennifer (from Diary of 1, talented….Very talented writer…) made comments recently that I cannot get out of my head.
In short, they both acknowledged, for lack of a better term, a certain Christian Prejudice they encounter because they are not currently Involved. They are still believers, still family, still sincere, still walking as uprightly as they are able. By the power of the Holy Spirit of course. Naturally.
However, they both have stated they would rather politely respond to the “Where do you fellowship?” question with an open-ended “We’re in between.” than honestly admit they fellowship in very non-traditional methods. Even un-Biblical methods if you ask some.
So, what’s the problem with the rest of us? I count myself into “us” because I do attend a fellowship that fits very nicely into the modern equation of Fellowship + Teaching + Accountability + Attendance = Church. Am I attending out of a sense of WOOT!!! this is the Place For Me? Not really. My kids, being the anti-social homeschoolers they are, really do enjoy the interaction, the encouragement in the Word and the freedom they experience in this particular body. That was good enough for me, but it seems more is required. Toward that end I have opted to engage myself in a women’s study (as participant only, so help me G-d, I don’t think I can do any more than that! Yikes!!). Obedience yes, but mostly because I recognize my own tendency to isolate myself and I began to see how that personal drive was slowly killing my spirit and decimating my faith.
I couldn’t let my soulish desires to remove myself from “life” win. I refused to. So I made a choice. It’s working ok. We’re on week 2.
But, more to the point…
I am committed believer. Faith is my life. It is the air I breathe. Even when I am mad at G-d and sometimes call Him names and ignore the way He talks to me. I didn’t say I was good at being a Christian.
So… Belaboring my point but rapidly approaching it.
What’s all the passion about? Is it passion? Or is it fear?
Is it fear of what is unknown? Or fear of what is unable to be easily quantified? Is it from some sort of altruistic desire to “hold one another accountable” to what is plainly written in the Word?
What is it that makes the rest of Churchianity go bananas about the home-church/organic church movement?
While my husband and I don’t always agree on how Church fellowship and interaction should look we do completely agree there needs to be radical change in the way corporate worship is both viewed and propagated. A balance reached. More freedom/less hard-nosed authority. More righteous authority/less license to sin. You get my drift?
Obviously this issue hits major buttons. A billion comments later I can see that and I’m not always the sharpest tool in the shed. Really.
See, I’m just not sure why. I don’t understand the animosity. The vehemence of the discourse. On either side.
I wouldn’t want to shame anyone into a deeper or more coherent understanding of our shared faith. The very thought makes me gag. But, neither am I willing to compromise, even if it is just perceived compromise, the convictions and Truth I have gleaned, seen, been inspired by and held onto by blood, sweat and tears.
But here’s something completely experiential I can’t quite quantify. At a time when I thought I needed the support and encouragement of those around me I had someone throw, yes THROW, Scripture in my face. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted G-d to Speak To Me…
And when I most desperately needed to hear Him I did. All alone, in bed, perusing emails on my iTouch.
My most influential times of worship, fellowship and personal growth have not happened in the middle of a building, seated in a pew, surrounded by the faithful but quiet. They happen naturally, dare I say it, organically, and much to my chagrin, on Someone else’s time table.
Still I am not called to be alone and I don’t really have a lot of options right now. I don’t have a lot of people around me. So in order to foster this fellowship thing that is so incredibly important, I must, must, must, MUST be where the largest concentration of believers are. AND, since G-d’s all up in my business, I know I am required to engage them wherever I find them. Y’know, other believers.
So, I’m starting at The Building….
Within four walls. With some suit up front.
Don’t judge me.